Ugh. This week has been both good and bad. I'm exhausted, sore, uncomfortable and can barely keep up with Ava. Add on to that, trying to pack, clean house, laundry, dr appts here, etc etc and Ava won't take a nap to save either of our lives. :( I'm just ready to not be so loaded with "to do's" and I realllllly wish that Ava stay on some sort of schedule with her naps, even in the midst of the craziness, but I know that isn't happening. She realizes something is wrong and doesn't know how to express that other than being clingy, not wanting to "miss out" by sleeping, she fights it all day and then finally gives up at night. I hate that this is taking a toll on her already, but, maybe we'll be relaxed in ft worth and she won't feel the need to not miss out on anything and cry every time I leave the room. :(
I haven't felt like nor I have a cooked a meal in weeks it seems. I feel bad about not keeping up with some of the domestic things I enjoy doing, but I'm just at that point in pregnancy that I could care less about being a cook. Might as well add to the lack of normalcy in all of this. (truly it is not a big deal, but to a stay at home mom on a budget, it can feel like a fail)
I have only laid out a couple of things on my bed, to pack. I have nothing laid out to pack for Ava, nor do I have any of the extra bags ready such as food for her, etc. I just can't get to doing any of it. I'm not sure if it is lack of energy, procrastinating because I think it will prolong our leaving, etc. I'll have to find a way to get it done somehow.
I suppose I'll be done dumping for now. I just feel the battle increasing inside of me as we prepare to leave. Satan is trying his best to get to me and I refuse to surrender to him. I claim the peace and empowerment I've had through Christ. It's my hope and refuge.
Friday, September 7, 2012
Sunday, September 2, 2012
For my babies...
Bethany Dillon has always been one of my favorite singer/song writers. We are about the same age and she has a little girl a bit older than Ava. She wrote this song and it has just spoken to my heart regarding my little ones so much.
enjoy. :)
enjoy. :)
Good morning
You and the sun are up before I'm ready
But ready or not, you need me
So here I am
I'm learning that in the long hard days
There is beauty
Do you know my favorite place to see it
It's when I look at you
And though I'm tired now
You're worth every sleepless night
You're worth it all, cause I know...
[CHORUS]
You're the best song I'll ever write
And we're humming and dancing through the years together
You're the best song I'll ever write
And I pray you'll hear Jesus in it when you're older
[VERSE]
I remember when you were just a heartbeat that I heard
and now our eyes meet
Forever is not enough to love you
Ooohhh...
[BRIDGE]
Every prayer for you is like a seed in the ground
Every tear I cry is like rain
And in its due season
I pray a harvest will be found
Your heart and mouth confessing Jesus' name
Your heart and mouth confessing Jesus' name
You and the sun are up before I'm ready
But ready or not, you need me
So here I am
I'm learning that in the long hard days
There is beauty
Do you know my favorite place to see it
It's when I look at you
And though I'm tired now
You're worth every sleepless night
You're worth it all, cause I know...
[CHORUS]
You're the best song I'll ever write
And we're humming and dancing through the years together
You're the best song I'll ever write
And I pray you'll hear Jesus in it when you're older
[VERSE]
I remember when you were just a heartbeat that I heard
and now our eyes meet
Forever is not enough to love you
Ooohhh...
[BRIDGE]
Every prayer for you is like a seed in the ground
Every tear I cry is like rain
And in its due season
I pray a harvest will be found
Your heart and mouth confessing Jesus' name
Your heart and mouth confessing Jesus' name
Thursday, August 30, 2012
The Countdown is ON
Hello all! Well, we are home from Ft. Worth, somewhat settled back in. We had a nice leisurely drive back home today. We weren't in a hurry, we could stop as needed, play when we wanted and still make it home before dark and in time for dinner at the house, some veggin out and for Ava to play play play before bed. Poor girl had enough of that car seat today. We were able to stop more on the way home today. So we had Jack in the Box for lunch, stopped at one of the peach stands in Hedley and let Ava walk around and we bought some great produce. It was nice to not be pressured to get anywhere too quick. :) We had a nice trip, though. The best one yet. I have come home empowered, confident and excited to count down these days until we meet our baby boy! Truly! I am aware of all that lies ahead as much as we can know right now, but I am not worried or anxious so much as I am excited and looking forward! So we got to Ft. Worth Tuesday night, late, but got in and Operation Keep Ava Asleep was successful. She fell asleep on the way down and we got her to stay asleep and got her to bed as soon as we got to the King's. YAY! She slept all night. It was great. I was so hoping she wouldn't struggle with sleeping this trip and she did great! Wednesday Nick and I had the day to ourselves with all the appointments and tours. It WORE us out!!!! We had so many things going on with a small lunch break. I had swollen ankles for the first time this whole pregnancy. We were exhausted. haha. The echocardiogram went well and everything Dr. Roten wanted to see looked good. She said getting down to Ft. Worth next weekend was a perfect time to be back down. No sooner. yay! We were able to tour the NICU, PICU, the children's wing where he will be recovering after the 2nd and 3rd surgeries. Cook Children's hospital is amazing! There are sooo many things that will cater to our family while we are there. We were very impressed and everyone is so nice. We met with Dr. Tam the surgeon and he was very thorough in his explanation of the surgeries, their history, answered our questions and was very serious yet light hearted and positive. If that makes any sense. :) We finished with touring the Dodson clinic where we will go for routine exams later on. We were able to have some good mexican food and visit with Nick's aunt. We relaxed at the house and got some rest. This morning we got up, packed up and went to my obgyn appointment. Got through traffic, got nick coffee at starbucks and got to the appt. We were in and out in 30 mins! haha! So quick!
Here is our big news of the whole trip. We have a delivery date! At this point, our son Noah's birthday will be September 24th! They will do a c-section that morning. Since I had one with Ava they are just doing a repeat c-section and will be able to schedule all of his stuff easier with a scheduled c-section. I am totally ok with that! :) I know what to expect and will be ready to go. :) Noah right now is 5 lbs 9 oz and doing great! Other than his heart condition, he is a perfectly healthy, growing baby and is on his way to doing great out of the womb too! :) We are proud of him already. :)
So, once he is born, there will be a few days BEFORE they do surgery. They will keep him on IV nutrition and medicine until surgery. The surgery is a LONG procedure. It will be around 5-6 hours of surgery, on bypass, and it is not an easy surgery. That day will be a long day for all. When they are done with surgery (which they will be updating us throughout. We're glad about that) They will take him to the picu, (pediatric intensive care unit) not the nicu. He will not be completely sewn up at that point, for swelling reasons. They will be monitoring him closely, and the beginning of the "fight" starts. He will begin to be weaned off of the ventilator in the picu and other "lines". He still will not have eaten anything, just IV nutrition. Approx a week or so in the picu is what we're looking at, but obviously we will see how he does! Then it is back to the NICU until he is ready to go home. That is when the battle to learn to eat happens. I am not worried about it, I know God has our son in his hands. He also comes from a long line of eaters. hahahha. :) Seriously though, he could struggle and need a g button or he could do amazing and go home on a bottle. We'll see how he does. We have no expectations as we go in, we want things to go at his pace and in God's timing. We know that it will be at least a month from birth to going home. So that helps to know and plan. It might be just short of a month but it could be 2 months or so. We'll just have to take it a day at a time.
This trip has helped build my confidence and having Nick and Ava come was nice. I'm so thankful my sister was able to go with me the other times, there was definitely a different feel with our little family there. Made it feel more real.
So, Ava and I will be staying in Ft. Worth the few weeks before we deliver. We are leaving next weekend (september 8th after noah's baby shower). We will be staying with Nick's cousin and her family in North Richland Hills. I scoped out a few things while we were there this weekend, like the walmart, sonic, etc. :) just to be prepared. haha. I am glad that we'll have the jeep down there with us so we can get out and about. We'll enjoy going to the King's church a couple of times and hopefully Ava can play with some kiddos on those sunday mornings. (mommy will have to be a big girl and be ok with it haha) So, we'll get settled in next weekend and begin our adventure. Nick will fly home sunday and will work the next few weeks until we're ready for the big day. He will probably be working on the house some and veggin out, playing video games and being a "bachelor" for awhile. :) I'm glad. He'll be on single dad duty when him and Ava come back home. So, he can soak it up. I do hope I come home to wood floors in the living room/hallway. Maybe he can conjure up some help with that. :) :) any volunteers, I can hook you up. :)
Overall, things are falling into place. God has prepared the way for us. He has answered my prayers and has given me confidence, peace, and excitement. He has prepared the way in so many ways I can't even begin to explain in detail all the valleys he has raised up and mountains he has made low. I'm thankful, humbled and I know we are not approaching easy times. We are approaching one of the hardest seasons of our life, yet, our faith is strong and we are ready to face it with our Lord leading us on.
Thank you thank you thank you. Thank you for prayers, for encouragement, comments, emails, cards, love gifts, etc that y'all have already poured over us. Thank you to family for housing us, helping with Ava, keeping us positive, for support and love. Thank you to strangers who just know us through our friends and family who pray for our son and have shown such love through that. We are humbled and so thankful and Noah is not even here yet. I have had some people ask me what they can do for us and at this point, if you live near us, just hold tight and pray for us. I am quite sure that when we get back we will come across some needs such as meals and occasionally some possible help with Ava, etc. So, we will let y'all know. Until then, we are thankful for the prayers and love. Keep em coming.
I can't think of anything else at this point. My brain is kind of fried.
Here is our big news of the whole trip. We have a delivery date! At this point, our son Noah's birthday will be September 24th! They will do a c-section that morning. Since I had one with Ava they are just doing a repeat c-section and will be able to schedule all of his stuff easier with a scheduled c-section. I am totally ok with that! :) I know what to expect and will be ready to go. :) Noah right now is 5 lbs 9 oz and doing great! Other than his heart condition, he is a perfectly healthy, growing baby and is on his way to doing great out of the womb too! :) We are proud of him already. :)
So, once he is born, there will be a few days BEFORE they do surgery. They will keep him on IV nutrition and medicine until surgery. The surgery is a LONG procedure. It will be around 5-6 hours of surgery, on bypass, and it is not an easy surgery. That day will be a long day for all. When they are done with surgery (which they will be updating us throughout. We're glad about that) They will take him to the picu, (pediatric intensive care unit) not the nicu. He will not be completely sewn up at that point, for swelling reasons. They will be monitoring him closely, and the beginning of the "fight" starts. He will begin to be weaned off of the ventilator in the picu and other "lines". He still will not have eaten anything, just IV nutrition. Approx a week or so in the picu is what we're looking at, but obviously we will see how he does! Then it is back to the NICU until he is ready to go home. That is when the battle to learn to eat happens. I am not worried about it, I know God has our son in his hands. He also comes from a long line of eaters. hahahha. :) Seriously though, he could struggle and need a g button or he could do amazing and go home on a bottle. We'll see how he does. We have no expectations as we go in, we want things to go at his pace and in God's timing. We know that it will be at least a month from birth to going home. So that helps to know and plan. It might be just short of a month but it could be 2 months or so. We'll just have to take it a day at a time.
This trip has helped build my confidence and having Nick and Ava come was nice. I'm so thankful my sister was able to go with me the other times, there was definitely a different feel with our little family there. Made it feel more real.
So, Ava and I will be staying in Ft. Worth the few weeks before we deliver. We are leaving next weekend (september 8th after noah's baby shower). We will be staying with Nick's cousin and her family in North Richland Hills. I scoped out a few things while we were there this weekend, like the walmart, sonic, etc. :) just to be prepared. haha. I am glad that we'll have the jeep down there with us so we can get out and about. We'll enjoy going to the King's church a couple of times and hopefully Ava can play with some kiddos on those sunday mornings. (mommy will have to be a big girl and be ok with it haha) So, we'll get settled in next weekend and begin our adventure. Nick will fly home sunday and will work the next few weeks until we're ready for the big day. He will probably be working on the house some and veggin out, playing video games and being a "bachelor" for awhile. :) I'm glad. He'll be on single dad duty when him and Ava come back home. So, he can soak it up. I do hope I come home to wood floors in the living room/hallway. Maybe he can conjure up some help with that. :) :) any volunteers, I can hook you up. :)
Overall, things are falling into place. God has prepared the way for us. He has answered my prayers and has given me confidence, peace, and excitement. He has prepared the way in so many ways I can't even begin to explain in detail all the valleys he has raised up and mountains he has made low. I'm thankful, humbled and I know we are not approaching easy times. We are approaching one of the hardest seasons of our life, yet, our faith is strong and we are ready to face it with our Lord leading us on.
Thank you thank you thank you. Thank you for prayers, for encouragement, comments, emails, cards, love gifts, etc that y'all have already poured over us. Thank you to family for housing us, helping with Ava, keeping us positive, for support and love. Thank you to strangers who just know us through our friends and family who pray for our son and have shown such love through that. We are humbled and so thankful and Noah is not even here yet. I have had some people ask me what they can do for us and at this point, if you live near us, just hold tight and pray for us. I am quite sure that when we get back we will come across some needs such as meals and occasionally some possible help with Ava, etc. So, we will let y'all know. Until then, we are thankful for the prayers and love. Keep em coming.
I can't think of anything else at this point. My brain is kind of fried.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Week 35
So, today has been nice. The relief of being through with my part time job for a long while is encouraging and helpful in keeping my house duties going (as much as I can do now days) I am thankful for Nick's help this weekend in getting the laundry caught up after last week's battle with hormones, tiredness, Ava being sick etc. He's handy to have around ;) hehe. Ava and I went to Canyon, as usual for a Monday, to take Pop's his laundry and have lunch with him and play. He sure enjoys it, as do we. Soaking up that time is priceless. Today I had all these "getting ready' things to do for our little trip to Ft. Worth. After leaving Canyon I headed up to get a tire patched, that has been leaking and ended up going ahead and buying new tires. For once, we have the opportunity to go ahead and buy them and with all the traveling we are about to do, we need them. So, praise God we have new tires. Here's the catch...I had a 14 month old with me. sheesh. She did well though. Just a little busy, but some puff snacks and my strong will kept her occupied for the duration. I decided I should change her diaper and so we went into the bathroom there at Discount and I was pleasantly surprised to find that it was sooo clean. awesome. So I get Ava up on the changing table and start to change her....as soon as I turn around to get powder out of her bag, she is peeing on the new diaper and all over her self, the table and her only pair of pants I brought today. (the ones she was wearing) gosh. I'm thinking, how much longer will we have to wait and she is soaked now. So I get a new diaper....go ahead and put her wet pants on her and find the tshirt in her bag and put that in her stroller and put her in the stroller and when we got out of the bathroom, they had called our name. YAY! Great timing I must say. Haha. She's sleeping in her bed now, I am drinking a big cherry lime and enjoying the quiet house. Truly. No tv, no music. Just the hum of the AC. So, I am tired now since staying at discount much longer than anticipated, so I have no energy to finish my list right now. Hopefully later today, before nick works on the lawn I can get the jeep cleaned out and vacuumed, etc. I hate going on a trip with an already messy car.
So, for reals. An update y'all want to hear about. For now, the update is....
We are leaving tomorrow night (Tuesday) for Ft. Worth for a round of appointments and tours. Wednesday is FULL of appointments, first with Dr. Roten, the cardiologist, where we will get a new echocardiogram done, we will talk with her and she will let us know if there have been any changes in Noah that she can tell on the echo. (who knows, we might see a whole heart, God isn't out of miracles) We also know that his heart could be the same and the game plan is still on for the 3 stages of surgeries. Either way, God is in control and we are ok with that. :) We will tour the NICU, the cardiology part of the NICU and meet some of the nurses and staff who man that part of the NICU. It will be great to already have met some of the staff. We will then have an appt with Dr. Tam (the surgeon) He is a graduate of Johns Hopkins and studied under the surgeon, Dr. Norwood, for whom the first surgery is named after. We are confident in Dr. Tam and his abilities. We pray blessing over his hands and mind. We know he will do his best on Noah. We will then finish tours of the facilities and be done for the day. Hopefully we can go out that night and eat dinner as a family and enjoy somewhere we don't have in Amarillo. :) Thursday morning we go back for a dr appointment with my obgyn and then we'll head back to the AMA.
We plan on leaving amarillo to take Ava and I down to Ft. worth to stay, on September 8th. Noah's shower is that morning, let me know if you would like to come and I'll give you the address and time. :) and then we are going to pack up and head out. If for some reason they want me there earlier than the 8th, we will just have to figure something out with the shower, etc. Hopefully the 8th will be soon enough.
So, that is all for now. I will update after we get back with a full medical update and dates times etc on when we will be gone.
Please pray for my blood pressure and swelling as we travel. I have not had a problem at all so far, and I don't want to have a problem. :)
Traveling mercies. safety.
communication and confidence building for Nick and I as we go through the appts and tours on Wednesday
FOR NOAH TO BE HEALED AND WHOLE. in whatever way God chooses.
For Ava as she stays with Nick's cousin Stacey and his other cousin Stephanie on Wednesday, for her as we travel.
On a side note: I have gone through the ringer with hormones, emotions, fear and anxiety last week especially. This week has started out wonderfully. Things that are helping me, obviously are prayers. I've been digging in the Word and continuing to pursue God's best for us, for me, through all of this. Our church family continues to inspire me, encourage me and remind me of God's goodness, mercy, plan, and grace over us. They are awesome!! Nick is excited to get out of town for a day or so and is glad to finally be able to get to a couple of appts with me. We are so blessed to have had the Glass Doctor fundraiser be such a success and that has helped Nick not feel so strapped about missing work, financially etc. So I am thankful that he is positive and ready to take us down there and be that support I need in those moments that get hard. No one can replace him, but my sister sure was the best next to him in the last couple of trips. THANK YOU SISSY! I am getting excited, because I am choosing to set aside fear and anxiety and focus on the fact that WE HAVE A LITTLE BOY COMING!!!! Holy cow! I am excited to have another baby, scared out of my mind at times, but none the less, I am excited to add another little one to our fold, to our legacy, to our silly family. I am ready to see him, hold him and kiss him. :) So many GOOOOOOD things coming through Noah, not just the hard stuff. I am rejoicing in the gift that God has entrusted us with and I can't wait to meet him!
Thanks y'all for support, prayers, love and encouragement!
blessings,
shaina
So, for reals. An update y'all want to hear about. For now, the update is....
We are leaving tomorrow night (Tuesday) for Ft. Worth for a round of appointments and tours. Wednesday is FULL of appointments, first with Dr. Roten, the cardiologist, where we will get a new echocardiogram done, we will talk with her and she will let us know if there have been any changes in Noah that she can tell on the echo. (who knows, we might see a whole heart, God isn't out of miracles) We also know that his heart could be the same and the game plan is still on for the 3 stages of surgeries. Either way, God is in control and we are ok with that. :) We will tour the NICU, the cardiology part of the NICU and meet some of the nurses and staff who man that part of the NICU. It will be great to already have met some of the staff. We will then have an appt with Dr. Tam (the surgeon) He is a graduate of Johns Hopkins and studied under the surgeon, Dr. Norwood, for whom the first surgery is named after. We are confident in Dr. Tam and his abilities. We pray blessing over his hands and mind. We know he will do his best on Noah. We will then finish tours of the facilities and be done for the day. Hopefully we can go out that night and eat dinner as a family and enjoy somewhere we don't have in Amarillo. :) Thursday morning we go back for a dr appointment with my obgyn and then we'll head back to the AMA.
We plan on leaving amarillo to take Ava and I down to Ft. worth to stay, on September 8th. Noah's shower is that morning, let me know if you would like to come and I'll give you the address and time. :) and then we are going to pack up and head out. If for some reason they want me there earlier than the 8th, we will just have to figure something out with the shower, etc. Hopefully the 8th will be soon enough.
So, that is all for now. I will update after we get back with a full medical update and dates times etc on when we will be gone.
Please pray for my blood pressure and swelling as we travel. I have not had a problem at all so far, and I don't want to have a problem. :)
Traveling mercies. safety.
communication and confidence building for Nick and I as we go through the appts and tours on Wednesday
FOR NOAH TO BE HEALED AND WHOLE. in whatever way God chooses.
For Ava as she stays with Nick's cousin Stacey and his other cousin Stephanie on Wednesday, for her as we travel.
On a side note: I have gone through the ringer with hormones, emotions, fear and anxiety last week especially. This week has started out wonderfully. Things that are helping me, obviously are prayers. I've been digging in the Word and continuing to pursue God's best for us, for me, through all of this. Our church family continues to inspire me, encourage me and remind me of God's goodness, mercy, plan, and grace over us. They are awesome!! Nick is excited to get out of town for a day or so and is glad to finally be able to get to a couple of appts with me. We are so blessed to have had the Glass Doctor fundraiser be such a success and that has helped Nick not feel so strapped about missing work, financially etc. So I am thankful that he is positive and ready to take us down there and be that support I need in those moments that get hard. No one can replace him, but my sister sure was the best next to him in the last couple of trips. THANK YOU SISSY! I am getting excited, because I am choosing to set aside fear and anxiety and focus on the fact that WE HAVE A LITTLE BOY COMING!!!! Holy cow! I am excited to have another baby, scared out of my mind at times, but none the less, I am excited to add another little one to our fold, to our legacy, to our silly family. I am ready to see him, hold him and kiss him. :) So many GOOOOOOD things coming through Noah, not just the hard stuff. I am rejoicing in the gift that God has entrusted us with and I can't wait to meet him!
Thanks y'all for support, prayers, love and encouragement!
blessings,
shaina
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Prayer update
Hello friends and family.
This last week or so has been trying on me in every way possible. Physically I'm beginning to feel the fatigue and "run down" part of being in the last weeks of pregnancy. Spiritually, I have been in a deep valley of struggle. To be quite honest, I've questioned more in the last week or so than I have since the day we found out of Noah's condition. It has just been getting harder and harder to cling to what I know and not go off of what I feel. I truly feel lonely and scared everyday, at some point during the day. Yet, I KNOW that I'm not. I KNOW that our Father has us guarded and in his graces every step of the way. I feel scattered, worried and nervous. I KNOW that in all things God is working for our good because we love him so much and are called according to his purposes. I KNOW that it will all be ok. some how and some way. I feel as though I can't grasp a hold on anything solid right now. Everything is slipping by me, quickly. I'm running out of time to prepare my home, say "see ya later" to everyone, prepare myself in any way at all to be gone from here for over a month. Ava has two medical appts of her own that have to be rescheduled so we can get them done before we leave. Easier said than done. Her 15 month check up might not be too hard to reschedule, but her VCUG test which is to see about her kidney reflux she has had since she was tiny, is a procedure at BSA and it is not as easy to get rescheduled now that we have 2 weeks til we leave and part of one of those weeks we will be in ft worth for appts. My mind is full. My load is heavy. (yes, I KNOW that I can and should allow Christ to take these burdens and I do) There are moments though, when as a responsible adult I have to do my part and get things figured out by calling, rescheduling, etc etc. It gets tiresome. I come to y'all as honestly as I can because I do not want people to think I am some superhero of a person who is just whizzing through this process as miss "super christian" who never struggles and who isn't scared. I am terrified at times of going through the last few weeks of pregnancy alone (without nick to me is alone, even though I know I'll have support) I am running out of energy to keep up with Ava all the time and I will have her for those last few weeks. I don't want to go to appts at cook's and at my dr's in ft worth, by myself, I don't want to figure out ft worth traffic alone with a toddler. I just don't want to do any of this. YET, I want to meet my Noah. I want to know him and see him and hold him and I want to get him through this enormous battle ahead. I want to be strong and be the mommy he needs as well as the strong mommy Ava needs even though I won't be able to "do" much for her for many weeks.
I hope that I will be able to find a few things to do for those couple of waiting weeks before we deliver. I am thinking a mani/pedi for sure and a few other outings. I also know that I am going to need to be alone with Ava at times, to just soak her up, to rest and to try to take things a day at a time.
So, all of my whining and dishing out my honest feelings here.... I obviously need prayers. I know many of you pray for us so much and I just keep asking for them. But, I don't know what else to ask and your prayers are powerful. I know there are times when I am so weary that someone is praying for us and I can rely on those prayers during my weak times.
So here are some concerns that I have that I would love for you to pray for. Please.
-My hormonal emotional ups and downs. (i know they are normal, but they seem to be on the rise and much more frequent the closer we get to leaving)
- overall health and trying to stay comfortable these last weeks (especially keeping up with Ava)
- I sound really pitiful here, but I have not spent more than a couple of days away from Nick and never with a little one by myself. I'm not looking forward to that at all.
- pray for our sweet hosts - nick's cousin and her husband. Please pray blessing over them for opening up their home to us during this time.
- getting Ava's medical needs taken care of before we leave. I do not want her to be forgotten or pushed to the back burner because of all this coming up. Please pray we can get them rescheduled in time.
-continue to pray for God's healing over our sweet Noah. Whether through miraculous healing or through surgical means, I ask and ask that you pray that Noah will have healing over his body.
Pray that his body will be strong for surgery, that his lungs and systems will be ready for the trauma of it all, pray for his body as he will be on bypass for many hours for surgery, pray for him to not be on a ventilator any longer than needed, that he will begin to eat properly at the right time, that he will not have any digestive issues, that he will be able to have the functioning heart and valves etc he needs to get the oxygen to the rest of his body in order to eat, etc. Pray that He does not have complications during surgery, pray for no needs for heart cath, balloon procedures, for no cardiac emergencies, etc.
-pray for me to be able to pump and produce milk for Noah. I know it sounds weird, but please please pray for supply. I have the need to "do" something for Noah and this is something I can do.
-pray for the medical teams who will be taking care of noah
-pray for family coming down and being there for a time.
-for Ava and her well being as I am "unavailable"
-for Nick during the time Ava and I are gone, until he gets down there. For Nick and Ava as they come back to Amarillo before Noah and I get home.
Right now, I just feel that these things are the things that weigh me down and could be lifted up in prayer. Thank you so much. I don't know how else to show appreciation for your prayers other than thank you.
For those of you reading this, who would like to come to Noah's baby shower....it is Sept 8th at 10:00am at 1111 Pikes Peak (off of south washington) please comment, email me or fb message me and let me know if you can attend. I'd love to see everyone before we leave. If for some reason we have to leave before then I will let everyone know if it is rescheduled or cancelled.
Thank you all again for prayers, words of encouragement and letting me be honest about my struggle and feelings with it all. Trust me, God has been working in me and I have been more in the Word and in communion with him than ever. Figures huh. I am just thankful he lets us go through times of up and down, but he never turns us down when we come to him.
I suppose that is all for our update right now. Looks like september 8 or 9th we will be leaving. I will be taking a laptop with me and will update often as possible for everyone.
much love,
shaina
This last week or so has been trying on me in every way possible. Physically I'm beginning to feel the fatigue and "run down" part of being in the last weeks of pregnancy. Spiritually, I have been in a deep valley of struggle. To be quite honest, I've questioned more in the last week or so than I have since the day we found out of Noah's condition. It has just been getting harder and harder to cling to what I know and not go off of what I feel. I truly feel lonely and scared everyday, at some point during the day. Yet, I KNOW that I'm not. I KNOW that our Father has us guarded and in his graces every step of the way. I feel scattered, worried and nervous. I KNOW that in all things God is working for our good because we love him so much and are called according to his purposes. I KNOW that it will all be ok. some how and some way. I feel as though I can't grasp a hold on anything solid right now. Everything is slipping by me, quickly. I'm running out of time to prepare my home, say "see ya later" to everyone, prepare myself in any way at all to be gone from here for over a month. Ava has two medical appts of her own that have to be rescheduled so we can get them done before we leave. Easier said than done. Her 15 month check up might not be too hard to reschedule, but her VCUG test which is to see about her kidney reflux she has had since she was tiny, is a procedure at BSA and it is not as easy to get rescheduled now that we have 2 weeks til we leave and part of one of those weeks we will be in ft worth for appts. My mind is full. My load is heavy. (yes, I KNOW that I can and should allow Christ to take these burdens and I do) There are moments though, when as a responsible adult I have to do my part and get things figured out by calling, rescheduling, etc etc. It gets tiresome. I come to y'all as honestly as I can because I do not want people to think I am some superhero of a person who is just whizzing through this process as miss "super christian" who never struggles and who isn't scared. I am terrified at times of going through the last few weeks of pregnancy alone (without nick to me is alone, even though I know I'll have support) I am running out of energy to keep up with Ava all the time and I will have her for those last few weeks. I don't want to go to appts at cook's and at my dr's in ft worth, by myself, I don't want to figure out ft worth traffic alone with a toddler. I just don't want to do any of this. YET, I want to meet my Noah. I want to know him and see him and hold him and I want to get him through this enormous battle ahead. I want to be strong and be the mommy he needs as well as the strong mommy Ava needs even though I won't be able to "do" much for her for many weeks.
I hope that I will be able to find a few things to do for those couple of waiting weeks before we deliver. I am thinking a mani/pedi for sure and a few other outings. I also know that I am going to need to be alone with Ava at times, to just soak her up, to rest and to try to take things a day at a time.
So, all of my whining and dishing out my honest feelings here.... I obviously need prayers. I know many of you pray for us so much and I just keep asking for them. But, I don't know what else to ask and your prayers are powerful. I know there are times when I am so weary that someone is praying for us and I can rely on those prayers during my weak times.
So here are some concerns that I have that I would love for you to pray for. Please.
-My hormonal emotional ups and downs. (i know they are normal, but they seem to be on the rise and much more frequent the closer we get to leaving)
- overall health and trying to stay comfortable these last weeks (especially keeping up with Ava)
- I sound really pitiful here, but I have not spent more than a couple of days away from Nick and never with a little one by myself. I'm not looking forward to that at all.
- pray for our sweet hosts - nick's cousin and her husband. Please pray blessing over them for opening up their home to us during this time.
- getting Ava's medical needs taken care of before we leave. I do not want her to be forgotten or pushed to the back burner because of all this coming up. Please pray we can get them rescheduled in time.
-continue to pray for God's healing over our sweet Noah. Whether through miraculous healing or through surgical means, I ask and ask that you pray that Noah will have healing over his body.
Pray that his body will be strong for surgery, that his lungs and systems will be ready for the trauma of it all, pray for his body as he will be on bypass for many hours for surgery, pray for him to not be on a ventilator any longer than needed, that he will begin to eat properly at the right time, that he will not have any digestive issues, that he will be able to have the functioning heart and valves etc he needs to get the oxygen to the rest of his body in order to eat, etc. Pray that He does not have complications during surgery, pray for no needs for heart cath, balloon procedures, for no cardiac emergencies, etc.
-pray for me to be able to pump and produce milk for Noah. I know it sounds weird, but please please pray for supply. I have the need to "do" something for Noah and this is something I can do.
-pray for the medical teams who will be taking care of noah
-pray for family coming down and being there for a time.
-for Ava and her well being as I am "unavailable"
-for Nick during the time Ava and I are gone, until he gets down there. For Nick and Ava as they come back to Amarillo before Noah and I get home.
Right now, I just feel that these things are the things that weigh me down and could be lifted up in prayer. Thank you so much. I don't know how else to show appreciation for your prayers other than thank you.
For those of you reading this, who would like to come to Noah's baby shower....it is Sept 8th at 10:00am at 1111 Pikes Peak (off of south washington) please comment, email me or fb message me and let me know if you can attend. I'd love to see everyone before we leave. If for some reason we have to leave before then I will let everyone know if it is rescheduled or cancelled.
Thank you all again for prayers, words of encouragement and letting me be honest about my struggle and feelings with it all. Trust me, God has been working in me and I have been more in the Word and in communion with him than ever. Figures huh. I am just thankful he lets us go through times of up and down, but he never turns us down when we come to him.
I suppose that is all for our update right now. Looks like september 8 or 9th we will be leaving. I will be taking a laptop with me and will update often as possible for everyone.
much love,
shaina
Friday, August 17, 2012
Friday is a good day for nesting.
Seriously though. Fridays make a great day for nesting...because it gives me the entire weekend to veg out, enjoy my hubby, play with my daughter, cook sunday lunch for my family and even get in a little bit of work and of course enjoy fellowship and worship with my FLC family. WEEEEE!
This week has been a rough one for this wife/mommy. We got back into town from an amazing wedding weekend on Sunday evening and Monday was a decent day of getting back into the swing of things, but as the day went on, I felt the hormones and mind full of anxiety coming through and I knew a battle was coming on. I hate those days that I struggle to keep a dry eye and can only seem to focus on the frustrating and scary things ahead. I try my best to get my head out of the mud and see clearly, but it is harder than I ever thought possible during times of wondering how things are going to go, imagining being away from home for months, etc etc. I just couldn't get out of the funk that satan was trying so hard to keep me in. Yet, I pressed on, pressed in and got into the Word. Thank God for his Word. Thank him and praise him and of course that is why I could climb out of the hole and keep going. :)
So today came and I took the girls to breakfast at mcdonalds, went to the dollar tree to get jada a dry erase board and stickers to decorate it for her locker, went to United and got groceries for the weekend and when we got home I had this urge to get things done. It was great. My entire house is picked up. (minus my bathroom, because it is my least favorite and I always procrastinate on it)haha. The kitchen is sparkling, the utility/office area is picked up and organized, the living room is picked up and vacuumed, the bedroom is picked up and the laundry is done. Well, the last load is in the dryer. :) I get to go to bed in just a bit with a huge feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction and I love it.
So we had pizza for dinner, watched pre-season football, played with Ava, chased Ava, got on to Ava for touching things she shouldn't haha, then watched We Bought a Zoo and tomorrow is going to be just as great! I work in the morning, but then Nick and I are going to finally go see the new Batman, go to dinner and go find him some new tennis shoes. I say it like tenny shoes though. haha. :) Ava is going to go see her nana and that means we get some time to ourself.
Sunday we're going to go to church and then we're having roast, carrots and potatoes with salad and rolls for lunch. My parents and my PawPaw are coming over for lunch to enjoy it with us. We'll probably swim some with Katrina and James and then try to chill out before a new week.
Bed for now. I just had to express my excitement and love for weekends that start out so wonderfully because I was productive on Friday. :) I should try to do it more often. haha.
so, pointless, random post is finished. Maybe the next post will actually have some interesting information. :)
blessings
shaina
This week has been a rough one for this wife/mommy. We got back into town from an amazing wedding weekend on Sunday evening and Monday was a decent day of getting back into the swing of things, but as the day went on, I felt the hormones and mind full of anxiety coming through and I knew a battle was coming on. I hate those days that I struggle to keep a dry eye and can only seem to focus on the frustrating and scary things ahead. I try my best to get my head out of the mud and see clearly, but it is harder than I ever thought possible during times of wondering how things are going to go, imagining being away from home for months, etc etc. I just couldn't get out of the funk that satan was trying so hard to keep me in. Yet, I pressed on, pressed in and got into the Word. Thank God for his Word. Thank him and praise him and of course that is why I could climb out of the hole and keep going. :)
So today came and I took the girls to breakfast at mcdonalds, went to the dollar tree to get jada a dry erase board and stickers to decorate it for her locker, went to United and got groceries for the weekend and when we got home I had this urge to get things done. It was great. My entire house is picked up. (minus my bathroom, because it is my least favorite and I always procrastinate on it)haha. The kitchen is sparkling, the utility/office area is picked up and organized, the living room is picked up and vacuumed, the bedroom is picked up and the laundry is done. Well, the last load is in the dryer. :) I get to go to bed in just a bit with a huge feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction and I love it.
So we had pizza for dinner, watched pre-season football, played with Ava, chased Ava, got on to Ava for touching things she shouldn't haha, then watched We Bought a Zoo and tomorrow is going to be just as great! I work in the morning, but then Nick and I are going to finally go see the new Batman, go to dinner and go find him some new tennis shoes. I say it like tenny shoes though. haha. :) Ava is going to go see her nana and that means we get some time to ourself.
Sunday we're going to go to church and then we're having roast, carrots and potatoes with salad and rolls for lunch. My parents and my PawPaw are coming over for lunch to enjoy it with us. We'll probably swim some with Katrina and James and then try to chill out before a new week.
Bed for now. I just had to express my excitement and love for weekends that start out so wonderfully because I was productive on Friday. :) I should try to do it more often. haha.
so, pointless, random post is finished. Maybe the next post will actually have some interesting information. :)
blessings
shaina
Sunday, August 12, 2012
A Legacy of "Love"ly
This weekend was wonderful. (a lot of time in the car, but none the less). Friday was a whirlwind of getting packed and the house cleaned, followed by hitting the road and getting to Ft. Worth pretty late. Ava was not thrilled with being in the car for so long and then going to "sleep" in a new place. She was clingy and ended up sleeping in the full size bed with Nick and I for a few hours. ugh. Not comfortable. She ended up doing ok the rest of the night in the pack and play. Saturday was nice as we hung out at Nick's cousin's house and let Ava "get used" to it a little bit since her and I will be spending a lot of time there before Noah is born. We were treated to a yummy meal by Nick's cousin's son who has been in culinary school recently. It was wonderful and we packed up and headed to Belton for Tracie's wedding. We rushed to the hotel, got ready, rushed to the church and finally were able to sit down and soak in the "wedding". I sat in the church and took in all the beauty, the candles, the ambiance present (Holy Spirit for sure), listened to the beautiful music and awaited the entrance of the family and our sweet cousin. As soon as I took a glimpse of my precious and beautiful Aunt Linda, I had tears. You see, Linda has recently survived a bout with breast cancer and has conquered, beautifully I might add, all the surgery, chemo and radiation that comes along with it. Her faith, her strength, her and Robert's marriage, her children's love for her, all of it just radiated and glowed about her as she soaked up the special time in their life, as she and Robert came down to "give" Tracie to Andrew. I just shed tears as I realized the caliber of women I get to call family. She is the most graceful fighter, patient warrior and lovely survivor. I am blessed to call her MY Aunt Linda. I then thought back to my wedding and all she helped with, the fact that Robbie and Tracie and Staci were all my bridesmaids and how my Mom looked a lot like Linda did, when I got married. Happy, relieved it was almost over with (haha), blessed, full of love and pride, and yet just a little bit emotional (each in her own way) over the fact that their daughter was getting married. So, then Robbie comes down the aisle as the matron (yes, robbie, you're married it's matron) haha, of honor. She has been married a little over a year now and you can tell she has come into her role as wife, in the most fun and lovely way in her own Robbie style. She walked down the aisle in confidence, humble pride (make sense?) and gentle emotion. She caught a glimpse of her own hubby and he saw her, they shared their own moment, which was sweet. :) She then went to her spot and waited as the doors shut and we all anticipated the best moment of the wedding, just about....Tracie's entrance. The doors open and I catch her face, glowing with purity and beauty, Robbie's face with pride, emotion and joyful tears, and Andrew's face anticipating getting to touch his bride and begin life's journey. Robert was proud and sturdy ( as my own daddy was with me) and He "gave" her away with confidence because he and Linda have raised Tracie in the Word and it has shown in her whole life, especially in whom the Lord has chosen for her. I just sat there soaking in all the "loveliness" and basking in how AMAZING our Lord is and how is has BLESSED our family beyond words. I can try my best, in this manner, to explain to you how proud I am, blessed I am and privileged I am to be a part of it. Each woman in my Byrd family has their own unique way of being a blessing in my life. Gran (Carolyn) is our prayer warrior, constantly in prayer for us all, calling to check in and being generally concerned at all times for our well beings. :) Linda has her way of "worrying" and yet living in faith and with poise. She has raised 3 amazing people and has cultivated a home of warmth and love. My Mom, well, she is my mom. So, first of all, she is wonderful, but she adds to our family, a level of faith, a means to just be us, and a creativity that is personal to each of us. Whether it is handmade jammies for Christmas, letting Tracie "uncrunch" her hair, or sewing 230 yards of lace together for decorations, she gives us each her undivided attention when we need it. She is committed to love us in our own ways. Robbie is my goofy, silly, laughy, fun loving, easy going gal and she keeps me smiling, always. Yet, she has a maturity to her, her faith, her marriage (even being a young marriage), her career, her submissive spirit as a wife, her love for her family, her loyalty and care for others, etc. She inspires me to continue to love all and worship one. Robbie has begun to cultivate a home of laughter, joy, service, love and fun. I love it! I cannot WAIT to see how God blesses her and Coach John, with children. They will all light up our life I'm sure of it. Staci, my sissy, is the risk taker, adventurer and loves to know more, be better and go further. She doesn't want to settle. Ever. She reminds me to take risks and jump off the cliff more often. She allows me to be me, to love me anyway and gives me the space to deepen my faith through my humanity, not despite it. She has been a rock for me and as she waits upon the Lord and trusts him as she strives to not settle in any part of her life. I often think of who God has in store for her, because he is going to be someone special, for sure. For many reasons, I mean, come on, someone has to put up with all the random outbursts of song, silly noises she makes while we all play a game, the "staci-isms" she continually creates and to further nurture her love for people. It will be another beautiful day to share, someday. I don't doubt it one bit. :) Lastly, but not least, Tracie Layne. My blond haired blue eyed baby doll (until I birthed my own) haha. She has always been prissy, lovely, sweet, full of feminine appeal from the smallest age. She dabbled in play makeup, gran's flowy dress up clothes, longed to wear makeup and ate salads instead of happy meals from as far back as I can remember. I have loved watching Tracie grow into her femininity and womanhood as she went through surgery for her scoliosis, became a cheerleader (and maintained her modesty and beautiful personality), did theatre, choir etc. and as God has given her a heart for the adoption field of social work, etc. She has always had a DEEP care for people, for others, for her family, her siblings, her friends. She has shown the side of lovely that many girls choose to stifle and some not even develop all together. She has lived in grace and poised, a lot like her mom and as she steps into wife-hood, I know she will cultivate a home of deep love, nurturing and laughter. Her children will rise and called her blessed. Just as she does her own mom.
Our family has been blessed by loveliness. I truly love the Byrd women. There are more than my immediate Byrd women who show God's loveliness, love for family, their husbands, home, children, service and ministry. But, for now, these close women, who support me, who have and continue to pray for me, who are standing by me as we face one of the hardest battles in my life, yet. Their strength and faith, keep me going, remind me to not give up and inspire me to be the best woman, wife, mother, sister and friend I can be.
So, thank you Gran, Linda, Mother, Robbie, Staci, and Tracie. I love you each, dearly. I long for the evenings we can sit around Linda's table and laugh our heads off. I cherish all the memories we've made in each season of life. I can't wait to read through our box of letters to Gran and Daddy Bob next time we're in the mountains. I love that we are all so close and can go months without much conversation and yet feel like we never skipped a beat. I love each of you and I am thankful that I have y'all in my life.
be blessed Byrd women.
naina
Our family has been blessed by loveliness. I truly love the Byrd women. There are more than my immediate Byrd women who show God's loveliness, love for family, their husbands, home, children, service and ministry. But, for now, these close women, who support me, who have and continue to pray for me, who are standing by me as we face one of the hardest battles in my life, yet. Their strength and faith, keep me going, remind me to not give up and inspire me to be the best woman, wife, mother, sister and friend I can be.
So, thank you Gran, Linda, Mother, Robbie, Staci, and Tracie. I love you each, dearly. I long for the evenings we can sit around Linda's table and laugh our heads off. I cherish all the memories we've made in each season of life. I can't wait to read through our box of letters to Gran and Daddy Bob next time we're in the mountains. I love that we are all so close and can go months without much conversation and yet feel like we never skipped a beat. I love each of you and I am thankful that I have y'all in my life.
be blessed Byrd women.
naina
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)