how long?

Why since you’ve wounded my heart
Don’t You heal it?
Why don’t You heal?
And why since you’ve stolen my heart,
Do you leave it so?
Oh this heart of stone.

Why don’t you carry away my heart
You have stolen and left here broken
Why don’t you carry away my heart
Already taken

Awaken the dawning of a new heart
Where stone begins to bleed
For the arrow of God that runs through me
Leaves me in need
Here in need

Awaken

How long? How long? How long?

2009 Here we come!

Generally I don't get all excited about the new year. I don't buy noise makers, or make a long list of resolutions, scream and yell and get all excited, start a new diet, do anything out of the ordinary or whatever.

This year I have been very encouraged by the whole concept of the new year, new ideas, new goals, new experiences and adventures!

There are so many things I am looking forward to in this new year! I am refreshed and I know that the Lord is doing some amazing things in this new year.

I am encouraged that I am in the middle of God's will right now. It is easy to get swayed and serve off to the side. To get distracted by fetishes, people, habits, etc etc Even good things in life can be a roadblock. But, everyday is like a new year. New Mercies are abundant. Thank the Lord!

This new year has much ahead and Nick and I are blessed to have such amazing family, friends and especially our Lord and the union we have in marriage. We are excited to see what God will do in us and in our church family. So much of our lives are poured into things that don't matter and have no eternal value, and this year I know that Nick and I have a heart for serving and doing things that will effect the Kingdom, not just ourselves.

There are opportunities everywhere. My prayer for this new year is that we would be awakened, cleansed, purified, renewed and ready for service. I am working everyday to change old habits, create new habits and better myself, for His purposes.

I hope that your new year is as encouraging and blessed as ours has been! Start by counting your blessings, not being discouraged by what you don't have.

Happy New Year!

Blessings,
Nick and Shaina

Tis the Season!

So here is a list of the things that have made me full of joy lately...

lately meaning, 2008.




















to be continued..

ThankFull

I am full, not because thanksgiving was last week, but because of what I am thankful for. It has occurred to me in just the last few evenings that I blessed, yet again, beyond measure. For instance, Nick and I went to go visit his mom last night and then had to run a few errands and as you all know it was, freezing yesterday, and when we got back home, we walked in and I was just overwhelmed with the fact that it was warm. It was a warm, cozy, safe, haven of a home and it was ours. I mean, it is a small little, typical one bedroom apt with nothing fancy about it, a mess strung around everywhere, we even didn't have hot water for a day or so, you know, all the usual apt life problems, but it is warm, it is ours and it means that God has put together the beginnings of an amazing family. Being thankful for this home makes it easier to go work to pay for it, it makes scrubbing the kitchen and doing the laundry that much more enjoyable, simply because we have the privilege of dwelling here.

Overall our Thanksgiving was so great this year! We are blessed beyond measure and we have been awakened to that and are so thankful to our Lord for all that he does in our lives and will do in the future.

I am so so so very thankful for the relationship that I have with my Jesus. I am so thankful for the grace he showers over me daily. I am the least deserving. He loves us so much.

I am so blessed with an amazing husband, who is sensitive to me and to what God has for our home and our family. He is a servant and works hard for us. He is smart and talented in many ways. He loves me for me and it is so amazing to have someone that knows me so well and still loves me. :) He is such a huge blessing in my life and it is amazing to get to share this life with him.

I have a family who loves me dearly as well. I love them and we can all be ourselves, have fun, go through junk, etc etc and still come out better than ever. What a blessed family I have. My parents have been married over 25 years. My sister is my closest gal and we live 4 hours a part. I am thankful that all 3 of them support me and love my nick. I talk to all of them most every day. and I'm not ashamed of that. :) haha

I have grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc etc that are very close as well. It is rare to have such close family that get along and genuinely love each other. I have in-laws that are great as well. Very blessed all the way around!!

We have jobs, a home, plus stuff we don't even need. We have friends and family. We have a church family that is right along with us in the life thing and amongst our mistakes and mishaps, we all just bear down and get through it all together. It is tough, but it is worth it for family like that.

We have friends abroad, especially Regina, that we love dearly and are so proud to support as they serve on the mission field. We are blessed to get to go and serve a long side her and now have many new friends and brothers and sisters in Christ, in Costa Rica. what a huge blessing!!!!

With all that said. Thank God for all his provision and blessing over us. We are so thankful.

Nick and Shaina

I have decided to follow ...

I have decided to follow Jesus;
I have decided to follow Jesus;
I have decided to follow Jesus;
No turning back, no turning back.
Though I may wonder, I still will follow;
Though I may wonder, I still will follow;
Though I may wonder, I still will follow;
No turning back, no turning back.
The world behind me, the cross before me;
The world behind me, the cross before me;
The world behind me, the cross before me;
No turning back, no turning back.
Though none go with me, still I will follow;
Though none go with me, still I will follow;
Though none go with me, still I will follow;
No turning back, no turning back.


That song always brings me back to a place of innocence, simplicity, and renewal. I suppose it is because when I was 7 I walked down an aisle to that song and let Jesus have my heart. I was in complete surrender, even at a young age. I can remember being emotional, mainly because it was the first major decision I made in my life. It wasn't even hard either... the hardest part was walking down that aisle in front of a room of a couple hundred people....
It is easy to follow Jesus in our privacy, but in front of people, it is not easy.

At least for me it is not, but by the actions of those I know, and those I don't even, it seems as though it is hard for them as well. Repentance seems to be old fashioned now. People don't take responsibility for their actions, mistakes, irresponsibility, etc and then they think that with enough time or words, things are just normal or ok. I don't understand that. It is hard to admit fault, to own up to our mistakes and sin. we are called to do it though. I can say this because I have had to do it, and I have done it. There is a difference between needing to and actually doing it.

I feel as though, our country is in this bailout mode because of the lack of responsibility of the country's people. I have a very miniscule amount of debt, besides my school loans for college. It isn't even about debt and money so much as it is about taking responsibility for ourselves in general. I'll save the political realm for those who enjoy it, I personally don't, however, I have just been so frustrated by the lack of responsibility taken by ourselves, for ourselves. Quit blaming others for the things you've done. Own up to it, lay it down and leave it at the cross, but be willing to suffer the consequences for the wrong doings, and LEARN FROM IT. learning from it, well, takes effort and a desire and commitment. woah, scary word. commitment.

Is anyone really committed to anything anymore? Everyone seems to bail when things get tough or hard to swallow. Whether it is your job, your marriage, your relationships with parents, siblings, friends, the church, etc. OOPS, this is too tough or we don't like them or her or him or that...

All in all... choose whom you will follow. don't sway from it, for any reason.... hard or not. it is not worth being cool or popular or different, to choose the life without Jesus Christ. Choose to be set a part, clean, not perfect but whole. Admit to your sin, accept the grace given to you, and then live like you mean to follow Jesus. If you don't want to follow Jesus, don't pretend to. Save us all the crap and just be honest about it. If you want to follow Jesus, also be honest about it and be real.

blessings.
s

Seasons

Every Season
Nichole Nordeman


Every evening sky, an invitation
To trace the patterned stars
And early in July, a celebration
For freedom that is ours
And I notice You
In children’s games
In those who watch them from the shade
Every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder
You are summer

And even when the trees have just surrendered
To the harvest time
Forfeiting their leaves in late September
And sending us inside
Still I notice You when change begins
And I am braced for colder winds
I will offer thanks for what has been and was to come
You are autumn

And everything in time and under heaven
Finally falls asleep
Wrapped in blankets white, all creation
Shivers underneath
And still I notice you
When branches crack
And in my breath on frosted glass
Even now in death, You open doors for life to enter
You are winter

And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced
Teaching us to breathe
What was frozen through is newly purposed
Turning all things green
So it is with You
And how You make me new
With every season’s change
And so it will be
As You are re-creating me
Summer, autumn, winter, spring

Friendship

My best friend in the world, is obviously, my husband. People who know us, know that fact. We are goofy, we love each other more than anyone in the world and we are the only ones who get each other. :) It is such a blessing to be married to my best friend.
Like any relationship, obviously, marriage takes work and more than anything, God's grace. :)

I think that in my life there has only been one other person, other than Nick, that comes close to knowing my heart, my weaknesses, my strengths, my heart's desires, and my fears. She doesn't judge me, nor does she expect things of me that are not expectations God has for me. She lets me be me. Always. It is funny that we are closer now than when she lived in the states. :) There will be a month or so pass and we won't communicate, but the second one of us emails, it is at the right time we need it, the right words, or whatever, from the Lord. When she lived here, where her cell phone worked, we could text at any time of day or night for prayer or support. I miss that, now that she is in a country where her service is not reliable, I don't have that privilege to bother her at 2 am nor does she have that convenience to call for help at any time of day or night. It is something I took for granted. I took for granted the fact that the closest friend besides my husband, was at my fingertips for years, and in the last 10 months I have wanted her close.

The point I want to get across is that, there were times in my life that I would run to her before I would run to Jesus. There are times today, that I run to my husband and best friend, Nick, before I run to Jesus, my ultimate best friend. I wonder, a lot, if Jesus sits and just waits for me to choose him first. He has the answer, the time, the wisdom, the knowledge, the peace, the comfort, the closeness, the shoulder, the everything I need. I don't run to him. I run to Nick, I run to Gina, I run to other friends, to my mom or dad, or to myself.

I have noticed in the last 10 months I have had some amazing friends come and go in and out of my life. There were friends that I held too close, and did not cling to Jesus instead. God awoke me to that and I am now aware of the pure and desperate need I have for my Jesus. (key word: my)
We talk about Jesus, like he is a stranger or someone we can't reach. He is mine. He is yours. Not in a selfish sense, but in a desperate sense. Without our Jesus, we are nothing. Does that pierce you at all? Does it awaken your soul and mind to a realization? To admit, realize, and then relish in the fact that we are desperate for Jesus, is truly life changing.

Gina's pastor spoke of passion last night at college group. He defines the word, passion, I believe. The Spirit follows that man wherever he goes. No, he is not a perfect man, but he is desperately relying and loving Jesus. With all he is, he is following his Master. His desire is to see his friends, his family, his small poverish community in southern Costa Rica, and the world, even Amarillo, a city he has just met, to meet His Jesus. What a beautiful person.


I suppose this has gone on longer than I had planned, but I will wrap it up in this:
keep your best friends close, but not above your Jesus.
have passion for your Jesus.

i'm overflowing...

shaina