Resolutions Part 2

This time last year I posted on resolutions. I am a planner and an organizer, but I tend to have problems following through. There are so many things that I desire to do and accomplish in 2010. Personal goals, marriage goals, health goals, work goals, dreams and desires are running around in my brain and in my heart. I desire to get them out on paper, but it is hard to organize it all. I could go through each thing and reasons why, but I suppose that would take all day. If I only list them all, what good is that? So, I guess I list them with a short explanation, getting the best of both worlds.

My personal goals have a lot to do with some things I learned a few months ago:

I need sufficient sleep

time with Nicholas everyday

working out 4 days a week or more

vitamins, regular medicines daily

lots of water

personal and quiet time with the Lord

time with my best friend, accountability and prayer partner every week

corporate fellowship/worship weekly

Business Goals:

more freelance customers/orders

to meet all goals and continue to grow sales in my current job

to find new/interesting ways to display, sell and create

to somehow get a raise. :)

Ministry goals:

to seek out and find where I am to be serving

organize and promote Manna Ministries as God desires me to

All of these things encompass being me to the best of my ability and also allowing God to mold me, shape me and help me become a woman of grace, mercy, gentleness and beauty.

more to come in 2010.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

A few years back I was a scrooge. I did not want to decorate, have a tree, help mom with her house, go to family gatherings, cook, bake goodies, buy gifts, give gifts, of course we always WANT gifts. :) haha. None the less, it was a bad year. It was miserable. Since being married for a few years, we have noticed that the holidays are so very busy with house hopping and sharing time with families. Now that we are home owners we are finding that the holidays are even better because we have kitchen space, a fireplace and plenty of room for people and pretty decor. Well, I have found that anyway. I enjoy it. I think that I have a nack (that how you spell that??) for having company over, being a hostess. I am finding that I love planning and decorating and having people in my home. Anyway, all of that to say, that this Christmas, so far, has been quite wonderful! It can only get better with all that is ahead!

I've had a small setback yesterday and today. Apparently my body decided to make me halt and rest. I had a temperature of 100.4 last night (which if you know me is like 103 for most people). It was miserable and with a good dose of advil and sleep I seem to be on the mend today. BUT, I feel like I am now behind and off schedule for the month. If you took a look at my day calendar, you'd see that there are barely any clear days. I like it that way, but my body does not sometimes. So, a fever got my attention.

Speaking of being a hostess; I just hosted a recipe shower for a dear friend of mine, last sunday. It was one of the most wonderful times I've had since my wedding showers. A room full of Godly women sharing advice, stories and the hearts with each other about marriage and life. Tears, laughter, really yummy snacks and cozy fellowship made for a completely love afternoon! I was so pleased and blessed to have such a compilation of amazing women in my home, at one time! What a blessing!

I will post some pictures of our house soon. I suppose I should pick things up a bit and then take pictures! :)

I could have made about 5 different posts out of this one post, but I have the time to sit and write this afternoon and I haven't had the time in quite awhile. My best friend is home. aaaahhhh. Although she is home, we've seen each other once. hahaha. talked quite a bit, but have not hung out. I'm so ready for sunday night! That will fix it. :)

Suppose that is all for now..who knows, I might be back later today....never know what I might think of to write.

Round and Round....

I go. Up and down. Week to week it is something different. Lately, things have seemed rather stable and steady. The Thanksgiving holiday was blessed and my cup ran over with blessing, rest and goodness! Then Monday happened. Seems as though I was due for a typical monday. I generally have pretty good mondays. This week has just started out so rotten and I have found myself, in my recent growth, pushing myself to not go slip into my hole, but keep my head up, my knees bent in prayer and my mind focused on the things of Christ. Not the things that keep dragging me down. The hole is so comfy and dark. It is known and yet I am learning to resist.

"She thinks she can She thinks she can....."

drama queen

Lord, may I not be the one to cause drama in others lives. To be an annoyance and burden to anyone. I desire to edify and encourage the people around me, not bring pain or corruption. Lord be my helper. Keep my mind pure and when others get to me and make me waiver, help me to ignore the drama and remember your plan and desires. Keep my mind clear of anger and rude thoughts. Help me to just let things slide that are not from you.

Our little kitty

Meet Dot
She is the newest member of our little family. :) Nick went to the SPCA and the opened her cage and she crawled up his arm and onto his shoulder and Nick knew she was ours. She is a snuggler and a stinker at the same time. She is fun and sweet. We are glad to have a new little friend and we already spoil her a bit. :) she is fun and is already making herself at home!

A New Day

So there are many reasons why today is a new day for me.

First of all, it IS a new day. It is only 9:42am and I have until 12 midnight to make the most of it. Second of all, it is the day after one of the biggest "falling outs" I have been involved in, in a long long time. It is a new day because I am beginning to realize how much I have and do neglect my heart, my relationship with the Father and I allow myself to be depressed, down and feeling responsible for other people's spiritual walk, life, etc. I have let go today. I have let go of the hurt, the pain, the crap that I have put myself through over the last 2 years. I think there have been times when stuff has fallen apart and I pretend I'm ok, I pretend that I am in control of my heart, etc and I put on my happy face. I cannot pretend anymore. The past two years have been the hardest emotional years I have had since my first year of college. It has been draining, hurtful, and yet growing and exciting. A lot has been taught and learned, but a lot has been thrown into the swine pin and lost for good. BUT, because this is a new day, my Jesus has gone down into the swine pin, found my pearls and brought them back....he's washed them gently until they shine and put them together into a strand that he has placed over my neck. He swam in pig junk and muck, just to restore my heart and my pearls. I am so grateful for my Jesus and his sweet care over me. I'm thankful for my husband, who defends my heart. I am thankful for Regina who is my shield-bearer and warrior sister. I am thankful for parents who have loved me at every awkward stage, bad attitude, stupid decision, etc. They have loved me and raised me in the Lord. I am thankful for my sister who is like a best friend. We talk about anythig/everything. I can count on her for prayer and support and also a truthful word. She is special and so sweet. :)
Today is a new day because I am making a new list. Making new goals and asking for those closest to me, to love me through this time of change in my life. New seasons are good things. Not always wanted or welcomed but necessary and needed.
So to tangibly write and see the things I desire for myself now, I am going to list them and come back to them to continue in them. I am going to be vulnerable enough to put them on here, for the world to see, so that I might not be sitting in the same place I was yesterday.

Things I need daily:
7-8 hours of sleep
at least 15 -30 minutes of quiet time to myself
at least 30 minutes to an hour of quiet time with the Lord
to journal
conversation with my husband
a walk or bike ride
64 oz of water
my medications for allergies
vitamins - prescribed by doctor
herbal supplement
to be productive at work

Things I need weekly:
time with a mentor
time with the body of Christ
dinner with Nick's family - fridays
conversations with my mom, dad and sister
to be creative
to clean my home

Things I want to learn:
spanish - still
how to be a gentle woman
how to be a wife/woman of noble character

Things I desire:
to be a Godly wife
to be a faithful sister, daughter, grandaughter, cousin, niece, etc.
to be a mom
to be a business owner- work from home
to know what ministry God wants me to serve in
to have friends that are mature and desire to edify me, not manipulate me.
to be healthy

So, now that I have poured my heart out for the world to see, I feel free. Free to be me and be purposeful with my life. To be able to dust my feet of the past and the people who have kept me in the pig pin. I am wearing my new strand of pearls and the armor of the Lord. what a picture huh. :) pearls and armor. May I forgive those who have hurt me, and I pray so much that they can forgive me, if/when I hurt them. I do not want my name to be one of negative reputation, but one of honor. May I start today, seeing things in a clear, new perspective. Thank you Lord for my life and the ups, downs and in-betweens. :)

Friends

I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of trying to be friends with everyone, please everyone, make sure everyone is happy, taken care of, etc etc etc. I just get hurt. The level of hurt I feel and have dealt with in the last 2 years is at an all time high. I would be quite content to just keep the acquaintances I have, the close friends I have now, and my family near and that's all. I'm tired of meeting people, being vulnerable enough to share with them and trust them....only to betrayed and hurt.
so right now I'm done being the friend. I'm done being the one who makes sure everyone is happy. I am just me, Nick's wife, Tracy and Lisa's daughter and Staci's sister. If you are my friend and we're close, I treasure you. If you've been hurt by me, I'm desperately sorry and if you've hurt me, I'm trying to forgive you. If you do not belong in one of those categories, I'll try to open up some. For now, I just want to be...