I've thought about this week for a long time now. Since May. Since that Friday night that I was curled up in bed crying and asking God why he would choose us for this journey. I've been thinking about this week and all I'm counting down. I absolutely cannot wait to see my hubby. I've missed him terribly and have been reminded of how much he does for me and how much just his presence is needed in my life. daily. I am counting down seeing my parents. I am excited to have them here and near for all of this. They have been pillars for me, consistently, and continue to be so. I am counting down the days until we meet Noah. We actually get to meet him and see him a week from tomorrow. That is a crazy realization for me. I am so excited. I have realized a lot today, so many things, but one of the big things I have realized is that Ava is growing up by leaps and bounds every day. I have also realized just how much of a sponge she is and that has made me ever so aware of my attitude and my words. Wow. I have been convicted of that so much this last week as I get frustrated, annoyed, lonely, sad, miserable, weary of chasing her around, etc etc. There have been a few times where I have let me emotions go and she sees me cry and she pats me sweetly or hugs me tight. She is aware of emotion, attitude, etc. She knows what pushes my buttons and what makes me cave. haha. All that to say, I have realized I have such a huge job to do in teaching my daughter about attitude, patience, the Word, as Titus 2 teaches us women to live the gospel out for our children. Wow. wow. wow. Lord help. I need it! There is a fine line sometimes during disciplining a toddler where patience is short and attitude is evident, in the worst ways. There must be grace given in many ways, but at the same time there are lessons Ava has to be taught. Tiring, but worthwhile. With that, my prayer for myself for this week is to discipline where needed and extend grace and a Godly, loving example to Ava as consistently as my humanness can. :) Even as a toddler, she can learn Godly attributes from me, since we are together, all the time. ha. I am learning every day to let things go that I have been so concerned about. I know it sounds stupid, but I let Ava feed herself mac and cheese at the restaurant today. I know. Why was that a stretch for me? Because it was a slight mess, she was using her hands of course, some got in her hair, etc. BUT, I let it go and realized that she is washable, she was feeding herself like a big girl (has to learn), she enjoyed being independent in that way, it really wasn't that big of a mess, and she ate a good lunch because of it. win for her, win for me. success!
This blog is mainly about Ava because I desperately want to make sure she does not slip through my hands during all of this stuff with Noah. I want to soak her up, love her deeply, teach her lots, hug her neck as much as I can, etc etc before I don't see her for a couple of weeks, before she grows up even more, etc. Even when she is annoying and driving me crazy, she is my poo bear and I couldn't do life without her. She's such a blessing and will be a great big sissy. I'm sure of it!
thank you all for your prayers and love. truly. They're felt daily.
blessings,
shaina
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