I think about Noah getting sewn up today. I am thrilled we have come to this place in his recovery. I am so thankful that he will not have a patch covering his chest, right where his heart is. There is comfort in having him closed up and on the mend. I also know there are risks that can come up with this small yet serious procedure today. So, I lift him up yet again, in every little detail to the Lord so I can know He is covered and in His hands.
I think about the scar little Noah will have. We met a little boy named Tabor during our tour and we got to see his scar. It was a sweet little scar, pretty big for a small baby, but it wasn't gross, it wasn't a big deal to any someone's eyes...but it will be a big deal the rest of his life to his parents and to himself because it means he is alive, he is here. I look at my scar from both babies and I am thankful. It isn't pretty, it isn't attractive, but it is mine. It means I have babies, it means I'm blessed with a family. I'll take this scar over a "pretty tummy" anyday. That leads me to this... Christ has scars. Those scars mean healing and freedom for me. By his wounds I am healed. By his wounds, Noah is healed. By His turmoil, torture and beating, by his ultimate death, I am alive, I am here. I am blessed. Why is it that we get so discouraged by scars, by wounds, by tough times? Because they hurt. IT's not easy, it's tough, it hurts, it stings, it is confusing, it is hard to understand, make sense of and certainly hard to see your child suffer through it all. Yet, by Noah's wound, he will be healed. That scar means he had heart surgery (2 more to come at that) and through this hard time, he will be able to function. Through all the hard times he is going through and will go through, he will have testimony to share and Christ to be thankful for. Scars aren't meant to be looked at for what they are, but for what they stand for. Christ's nail pierced hands are not pretty at first glance, but they are gleaming with hope and beauty when you look at what they mean.
I hope that somehow all that I am learning through Noah will bless him someday. I hope that he will not struggle deeply with his scar, his life story, his trials as he gets older, as other kids/teens/adults his age can "do more" than he can or run longer, play more sports, etc. I hope he takes his testimony, his scar, his life and will let Christ continue to use it as he already has (at 10 days old) for his glory.
There are times when I get real still and quiet and satan tries to fill me with doubts, questioning God on why my child? why children at all? Why would you make him this way? why would you want us to go through this? I have to combat that with the TRUTH that God does not make mistakes, there is no plan b. He was not surprised by Noah's heart condition, he formed him and made him in his image, whether I understand that or not. I am thankful that I can have hope in him even when it is so hard. I know someone reading this is struggling with why God seems so far off, why he does not seem to care, why did he give me this issue or this trial? As my Jesus Calling book stated a few days ago, "Don't evaluate my ways with you, simply accept them thankfully" I dare you to thank God for your illness, your child who is driving you crazy, for your struggle whatever it may be, job search, financial trials, family problems...thank him first for them, yes you read correctly....thank him... and then seek him. really. just be honest with him. There is no need to reveal yourself to God, when he already knows your inmost thoughts. Just be with him. Be real with him. If I had not questioned and wrestled with the Lord over the last few weeks (well, months since this whole thing started) I would not be able to write this, function, continue to trust and seek him at all.
I also know that without the body of Christ, his people, rallying around us to pray, support and love, I would not have the strength I do as well. I would be in shambles. The power of prayer is beyond real. It is the fuel that we need to fight this fight of faith. Bless others by your prayers. Encourage them with your words. Be sensitive to the Spirit and pray when he asks. Someone is leaning on and resting in those prayers. I have been one of those and I am thankul beyond words. I truly cannot ever thank any of you enough for the prayers you have spoken over my family, myself, nick, ava, mom, dad, and especially Noah James.
Blessings always,
shaina
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