Even Now

I will pursue you,

even now,

you're the one I want. 

I will pursue you, 

even now,

you're the one I need. 

These words. On a normal week that I am on worship team for weekend services, we end up singing the same songs for 6 times at least with all of the practicing and polishing it can end up more than that. I love it really. I also happen to get numb to some of the words we sing sometimes and when God strikes my heart with a lyric I take note and let is soak in awhile. I caught this little bridge piece in a new way this morning. We were in the middle of a deep time of worship and we began this bridge. I think for the longest time I focused on the I will pursue you part. It is a lovely thought, to pursue him. To continue our daily walk, but with fervor and passion. To pursue is to follow someone or something to catch or attack them. :) I love it. I can imagine attacking Jesus with abandon, to run and run and fall in his arms giggling. That is how I see pursuing him. We should desire to pursue Christ with everything we have! Oh how we pursue jobs, relationships, gadgets and things. Pursue Him with all you are. I know you will not be disappointed. 

Even now. 

What does that mean? I will pursue you, EVEN NOW. I know for me, even now means, even after Noah died, I will pursue you. Even now, after the longest and hardest 2 years of my life, you're the one I want. Even now, especially now, you're the one I need. I am certain that each of us in our own circumstances can come up with an "even now". Even after the divorce, you're the one I want, Lord. Even now, after I got the diagnosis, you're the one I need. Even now, as I sit and grieve my loss, you're the one I want. Even now, when I don't know where I will find a job, you're the one I need. Even now.

It never matters what situation we are in, God is the ONE we want, we need, we pursue. 

So, even now I will seek Him. Even now, I will try new things. Even now, I won't stay bitter. Even now, I will meet new people. Even now, I will seek out God's plan for me. Even now, I will hold my daughter tight and find ways to soak up memories with her daily. Even now, I will remain thankful. Even now, I will bless others. Even now, I will remember my son with a joyful heart, a thankful spirit and a determined mind to share him with others. Even now, I will serve, give, love and share. 

Even now. 

So, where are you in your life? Where do you find yourself and can you honestly say , "even now, you're the one I want"? It's ok if you can't, but I can assure you that if you ask him to help you get to that place, he will. It has been a long road this last year and as I think back on all of the deep dark times, I know he has never left me, so even now, especially now, He's the one I want. Thank you God for your relentless love, unfailing love, constant guide, strong guard and gentle hands. I rest in Him, knowing all that has happened has been for His good and I thank God for giving me the strength everyday to keep pursuing him. 

Be blessed, 

Noah's momma