Dry & Bitter

I haven't painted since my last semester of college. I suppose it is because the last painting that I finished or even worked on has a lot of history and memories attached to it and I still avoid that part of my life and heart right now. So, as I think about a blank canvas, the possibilities abound. There is so much I could do with a blank canvas and yet I am almost afraid to approach it. It causes things to surface that I thought I had buried so well. I'm not bitter, at all. I'm over that. Some people don't know how to get through the bitterness. Dry though, yes. It is time to let go and be open to refreshment and fluidity. hopefully i'll end up with a piece of art that somehow quenches the thirst.

Abundant Life

Is the fullness in my heart that I have right now. Grace, redemption, love, the relationship with true believers, seeing God's plan unfold, growing out of doubt and growing into faith. THIS is abundant life. God's fullness bubbling over. My cup is overflowing. My life is in His hands. My heart is overjoyed that there has been made beauty from ashes.
simply satisfying, lovely and worth all the growing pains and hurting.
Praise God from whom all blessings flow...

Vacation Ramblings...

Well, we've been here in St. Louis since Sunday and it has been WONDERFUL!! We got here Sunday night and had some mexican food and good conversation with my father in law and stepmother in law. On Monday we just stayed in the house; slept in, watched TV, and just chilled out. We did get out once, for White Castle and a few groceries for the house. :) Tuesday we stayed in all day as well. In fact, we didn't leave the house all day, until about 8 and we went to Baskin Robbins for ice cream. :) So on Wednesday we decided to go to the Budweiser Brewery for a tour! It was really interesting and we had a great time together. We also enjoyed a free drink at the end of the tour. :) Then we decided to go to the St. Louis Cathedral Basilica. It is GORGEOUS!!! It is the largest collection of mosaic art work in the WORLD!! Every square inch of the place is either mosaic or marble. Just breathtaking. We could have just sat there and looked up, for hours. :) The weather has been BEAUTIFUL and it even RAINED last night. I hadn't heard thunder in forever!!!! It was a pretty rain and we enjoyed it. I think Bob and Carrie thought we were crazy. haha. We went to the St. Louis Zoo today and had a blast as well! They have a really neat collection of various animals! Even though we don't have kids we noticed how kid friendly it is and if you have kids and are in the area, you should definitely go. It is FREE and there are LOTS of neat things to see and do. There are a few things that cost money, but they are optional. Anyway, it was a fun time and now our feet are completely aching. :) We were going to try to make it to the Art Museum today, but ran out of time, so I think we are going to try to go Saturday when Carrie isn't working since she will enjoy it as well. Tomorrow we're sleeping in, chillin at home and then for dinner we are going out to The Bistro Restaurant for dinner and jazz music. That should be a fun time! :) Then on Saturday we are doing some more sleeping and resting, as well as going to the movies and the Art Museum. Then on Sunday we make our way back home... :) It has been such a wonderful time of just hanging out with each other!!!! I mean, we generally see each other for 5 minutes in the morning and then for a few hours in the evening. So, this has been very nice, just getting to spend time together. Love it!!!

Back to the normal pace next week, but until then, we still have 3 days. :) we'll soak it up!!

Vacation.

This time on Sunday I will be nestled into the in-law's home, ready for a full night's sleep. I am so ready to get up to St. Louis and relax and refuel for a week. I am excited to get to spend an entire week with my Nicholas and really get to relax together. I think I might even get to read a book, journal, design and sleep (very excited about that). I won't have to be concerned with work, dishes, laundry, more work, more work, cleaning, etc etc. We have also not seen Nick's dad and stepmom since our wedding day! So we are very excited to get to spend some time with them as well. It will be such a blessing to get to catch up with them and enjoy their company.

Please pray that we have a safe trip, with much rest, relaxation and fun times! :)

Credibility.

cred⋅i⋅ble   [kred-uh-buhl] Show IPA Pronunciation
–adjective
1. capable of being believed; believable: a credible statement.
2. worthy of belief or confidence; trustworthy: a credible witness.

Are you credible? Can people trust that you will do what you say you will do? Can people believe you when you speak with them? Are you worthy of someone's confidence or belief in your word? just something to think about. Whether you are a top leader in your company, a mother, a sister, a father, a brother, a friend, a co-worker, etc etc Do you say what you mean and mean what you say? Do you walk what you talk? It is something for all of us to think about. Something I have not thought about a whole lot until recently.

Swept Away

Every girl loves a bit of romance, right? I know that in life, we tend to remember the times when we have been romanced, by our significant other. My husband is amazing and loves me more than I know, but there is a romance that is deeper and more lovely than even his.

It is my rescuer's romancing me that has swept me away today. It has been awhile since I have been swept away by the beauty and simplicity of my saviour. Mainly because, I have not allowed myself to be vulnerable to him. Being vulnerable is not an easy way to be. I know it sounds weird, but in order to accept the true love that awaits you in your saviour and rescuer, you must be vulnerable, you must let go and you must trust. Those three things are very difficult for me to do. I have come to the point in my life where I do not want to be vulnerable because I might get taken advantage of or hurt by friends, co-workers, etc. I do not like to let go. It means I am not in control. Another character flaw that I possess. Letting go means, nothing more than, just that, letting go. completely. That tends to scare me. Lastly, you must trust. I have come to the point in my life where I trust very very very few people. I think I trusted people at face value so long, gave people the benefit of the doubt and thought everyone was just good that I learned that I got hurt way too easily, way too often. So, I don't trust many people. at all.
Tonight, I found myself driving to Canyon for the first time in about a month. Driving to Canyon generally is nothing special, but tonight I felt like I was being driven. I was along for the ride. My rescuer had come to save the day and restore some of the softness that has left me for some time now. He gently comes to me and reminds me of my worth, my beauty and his undying love for me. After months of fighting and struggling and feeling at a place where I was so hardened and so cold that I could not love people again, I felt a tender hand on my face, gazed into the savior's face and saw pure love. My best friend, my redeemer, my lover, my friend, my King, loving on me, the least of the least. No matter how many friends I see come and go, hard times come and go, and even good times that come and go, his constant, pure, unmatchable love is mine to experience, to soak up, to revel in, to enjoy, to delight in, to rely on, to mourn in, to grieve in and to also celebrate in, find joy in and worship in for the rest of time. He has ordered my steps, but he has shaped my heart. He created the heavens, but mended my torn edges. He is just and mighty, but he romances me with simple music, sun beams and a warm home on a cold night. He deserves more than I could ever give him, but he accepts my tiny, little offerings of praise when I'm all alone in the quiet. He has destroyed nations, and yet he wipes the tears from my cheeks and says, "my love, you're safe with me". What a beautiful place to be, in the arms of the Almighty. No other place on earth is as safe and yet majestic than his embrace. Oh how I long to remain here. Cozy and nestled within ultimate peace and delightful joy. It is worth waiting upon him. It is worth humbling myself to nothing. It is worth the fight and struggle we have with the enemy, for this moment of pure romance with the King of Kings. Don't give up on Him. Cry out for Him. He is mighty to save and gentle with his child. When you find yourself lost in his beauty and his delight, you realize your "problems" are but a tiny spec in the picture of his goodness. How lovely He is.

Day at a Time

So I have had quite a few people ask me in the last week or so if I am happy. I automatically think, "why yes!". BUT, when I stop and think about it, I am not for sure about that. Nick and I are being obedient in every way we can, following God's leading, seeking out what is next for us, and learning to be content in his perfect grace and plan. None the less, that does not mean it is easy. We were seriously contemplating buying a house, but we feel that God has told us to wait on that. I've felt that "settling" has been something I've done career wise right now, but God reminds me that He has me in the right place for the right time. We have dreams of owning our own business, but feel so far from that day that it seems impossible and unreachable. Then God reminds us that all things are in His hands and on his time line. So, we wait. We strive to seek out what God is wanting us to know for this day. For this time. We wait.

I know we will always be waiting on something... for now, we will actively wait upon the Lord for whatever He has for us.