moments

Ava is asleep. There are times right now when she's sleeping that I can actually catch my breath, take a minute to myself and soak up a quiet Mary moment, as I like to call it....whether you are thinking of Martha's sister Mary, who chose to sit at the savior's feet or if you're thinking of Mary, Jesus's mother who pondered things in her heart as her son was asleep. You see, we must catch these quiet times, the moments of peace...especially as a mother, I've realized how much I NEED my quiet time with the Lord. I still have days where I end up passing by the whole day until the time that I crawl into bed and have some devotional and journaling....but then there are times when I get to sit, reflect, try to listen to the Lord, thank him for my children, even if I've had rough moments with one little toot of a girl..hehe, thank him for my husband, our home, his job, our family, etc etc. These times are what keep my perspective clear and my heart at peace. There are times, lately even, that I have doubted the peace I have. They say ignorance is bliss and is this peace I have simply ignorance of what is to come? Since I don't know any better, I just don't have a need to worry, etc. But, I know that's not true. If I didn't have a peace from the Lord, I WOULD be worried as ever, anxious, stressed, doubting, etc. I know my nature and I know that how I am handling this is not in my nature. Trust me. I used to worry, talk about every detail to two or three of my closest confidants, try to fix and figure it out, etc. I have my moments, I struggle often, but my overall sense of peace and "ok-ness" is strictly from the Lord. No doubt. This is what they call "peace beyond all understanding". I know it is from the prayers of you all. I feel this peace daily. There are times when Ava and I go round and round with discipline issues etc (as any toddler does) but, add the fact that I'm huge pregnant, tired, sore and have no energy to that mix and it can get frustrating, not to mention I don't have my hubby here to rescue me at 5:15pm. haha So, we'll have an issue but a few minutes later we're laughing and enjoying ourselves. Thank you Lord. There are times when I so desperately miss Nick and then he'll send me a funny text. There will be a moment when I feel lonely and someone will call, like my sister, my paw paw or my gran. I get frustrated with not being at home and then I realize that I have 1 load of laundry for the week and 1 room to keep clean right now (with a few toys, a couple of dishes and some odds and ends in the rest of the house) haha. Not shabby. :) Anyway, there are just times that the quiet is therapeutic, almost overwhelming.

So....
The details at this point are as follows:
Dr appt this Thursday-3:00pm
c-section scheduled for September 24th (this coming Monday) at 10:00am
Texas Health-Harris Methodist Hospital
Noah will be transferred directly to Cook Children's as soon as he's born. (down the hallway basically)
Surgery will be a few days after birth (at this point, if something changes we will update)
My parents, nick's dad and mom and mamaw will be coming in over the weekend and will all be here Monday-sometime later in the week. They will all have the joy of keeping up with Ava. go team. haha

We are continuing to pray for total health for Noah, for a good birth weight, good vitals and functions in all ways so that there are no other problems besides the heart condition he already has. So far that looks good. Praying for the possibility of getting to hold him some the first day or so (all depends on vitals, how he is doing in general, how his initial echo cardiogram goes,etc) this mommy sure would like a good holding session before his surgery because it will be a while after that before I will get to)
pray for all Dr's nurses techs etc. My Dr is Dr. Thomas Howard and he will do my c-section. He has been a sweet Dr so far. I've been so thankful for that. Dr.Allender is the pediatric cardiologist on call on Monday when Noah is born, so he will do his initial check up and echo on his heart, etc. He will also be the cardiologist that sees us in Amarillo when he comes to town for rounds. Dr. Tam is the surgeon who will operate on Noah. He is a nice man, very very knowledgeable and studied under the surgeon who the first procedure is named. (norwood) So we are confident in the Lord, through Dr. Tam and his hands.
Again, thank you for the prayers. The messages, the texts, calls, etc. I am so thankful. I feel them all. I know Nick has been doing well with staying busy on the house, with family, projects etc. Ava and I are hanging in there with finding outings in the day and trying to play in the evenings and watch lots of cartoons and such in bed together before she goes to her bed for the night. :)
We're going to get through this as champs because if God is for us, who can be against us!!

We WILL see the goodness of the Lord, very soon! (i mean each day, but  Monday is going to be extra special) hehe :)

love to all,
shaina

The Final Countdown

I've thought about this week for a long time now. Since May. Since that Friday night that I was curled up in bed crying and asking God why he would choose us for this journey. I've been thinking about this week and all I'm counting down. I absolutely cannot wait to see my hubby. I've missed him terribly and have been reminded of how much he does for me and how much just his presence is needed in my life. daily. I am counting down seeing my parents. I am excited to have them here and near for all of this. They have been pillars for me, consistently, and continue to be so. I am counting down the days until we meet Noah. We actually get to meet him and see him a week from tomorrow. That is a crazy realization for me. I am so excited. I have realized a lot today, so many things, but one of the big things I have realized is that Ava is growing up by leaps and bounds every day. I have also realized just how much of a sponge she is and that has made me ever so aware of my attitude and my words. Wow. I have been convicted of that so much this last week as I get frustrated, annoyed, lonely, sad, miserable, weary of chasing her around, etc etc. There have been a few times where I have let me emotions go and she sees me cry and she pats me sweetly or hugs me tight. She is aware of emotion, attitude, etc. She knows what pushes my buttons and what makes me cave. haha. All that to say, I have realized I have such a huge job to do in teaching my daughter about attitude, patience, the Word, as Titus 2 teaches us women to live the gospel out for our children. Wow. wow. wow. Lord help. I need it! There is a fine line sometimes during disciplining a toddler where patience is short and attitude is evident, in the worst ways. There must be grace given in many ways, but at the same time there are lessons Ava has to be taught. Tiring, but worthwhile. With that, my prayer for myself for this week is to discipline where needed and extend grace and a Godly, loving example to Ava as consistently as my humanness can. :) Even as a toddler, she can learn Godly attributes from me, since we are together, all the time. ha. I am learning every day to let things go that I have been so concerned about. I know it sounds stupid, but I let Ava feed herself mac and cheese at the restaurant today. I know. Why was that a stretch for me? Because it was a slight mess, she was using her hands of course, some got in her hair, etc. BUT, I let it go and realized that she is washable, she was feeding herself like a big girl (has to learn), she enjoyed being independent in that way, it really wasn't that big of a mess, and she ate a good lunch because of it. win for her, win for me. success!
This blog is mainly about Ava because I desperately want to make sure she does not slip through my hands during all of this stuff with Noah. I want to soak her up, love her deeply, teach her lots, hug her neck as much as I can, etc etc before I don't see her for a couple of weeks, before she grows up even more, etc. Even when she is annoying and driving me crazy, she is my poo bear and I couldn't do life without her. She's such a blessing and will be a great big sissy. I'm sure of it!

thank you all for your prayers and love. truly. They're felt daily.
blessings,
shaina