I am not certain that I even know where to start, I just know that it has been awhile since I have written and I've got an itch. I suppose it is pretty typical for people to end the year with a summary of events, happenings and such. I came across a neat "worksheet" that had some questions and I felt like it helped me to gather my thoughts and really look back at what happened this year and how it has made me who I am in this moment.
10 greatest things that happened in the past year:
1. I was the mother of two babies, both living and breathing, snuggly and here with me.
2. I have been awakened to how amazing the people in my life are.
3. I have become more grateful for the small things, the simple life, and every moment I have with my loved ones.
4. My baby boy was healed of heart complications and was ushered into eternity. Not that it was great, but God's healing was provided. That, is great.
5. I felt like I got more control over some of my out of control habits I have struggled with for years. Slowly but surely.
6. Seeing my baby girl turn 2 years old.
7. Celebrating 6 years of marriage
8. The many birthdays, anniversaries and births of the year, of family and friends. All such celebrations.
9. Hearing of the many many people who were touched by Noah and his life.
10. Being a stay at home mom, despite the sacrifice it is on our family.
I am most proud of these three accomplishments from last year:
1. Not letting go of my faith after Noah died.
2. Seeing my girl learn her ABC's, counting past 10, have such manners, learn to start making decisions, have friends, play, learn about Jesus. Not that they are MY accomplishments, they are Ava's, but I feel so proud to be a part of her life and be her mommy.
3. Learning to live life after the death of my baby.
Three great lessons I’ve learned from last year are:
1. God IS God. He IS good. He SEES me. He Knows.
2. Life can change in the matter of a second.
3. Death isn't bad.
Three personal developments I have made in the past year are:
1.I have learned to dig deeper into myself, to be more honest with myself and the Lord.
2. journal/prayer journaling, after a dry spell during the initial grieving time when Noah died.
3. Less soda. this. is. HUGE.
If I could do things again last year, I would do these three things differently:
1. I would seek out more support, earlier in the grieving process
2. I would have tried harder to not expect the worse, even when it felt like that is all that ever happened to us.
3. Prayed about things more than I talked about them.
Three things I need to do less of in the next year are:
1. complain
2. stress
3. assume
Three things I need to do more of in the next year are:
1. pray
2. pray
3.pray
4. dig deeper in the Word
5. simplify
Three things I need to stop doing completely in the next year are:
1. doubting God's power
2. holding back in my prayers
3. being so judgemental in general
Three reasons I didn’t achieve my goals from this past year are:
1. not sure I had any goals.
2. my main goals ended up being to just get through each day
3. grieving is a process and each day is a new goal.
Three goals I want to achieve this next year are:
1. simplify my life, our home life and as much as possible.
2. declutter
3. be purposeful in health
Three reasons why I want to achieve these goals are:
1. to appreciate what really matters
2. to be cleared of clutter so that I can be free to live for the Lord
3. to be healthy for my family
Smartest decision I made last year: This is going to sound odd, but Nick and I had to make the hardest decision of our lives on February 22, 2013. That was to release Noah to the Lord and to allow his body to not be living on machines. This was, the hardest, most gut wrenching and heart breaking decision I have been a part of making, but I know it was the right one. God instilled that in us so deeply.
Biggest risk I took last year: starting in 2012, we started an adventure we had no idea would turn out the way it did, but we trusted the Lord and set out on the adventure he wanted us on.
One sentence that sums up this past year:
I will trust God's character, even when I do not understand his ways.
One year from right now, I want to my ideal day to look like this:
Healthy choices, Christ at the center, family focused, decluttered, less junk, less busy. More creative, ready for another new chapter. The next year is definitely a season of preparation.
Maybe this next year will be one of even more healing, joy and light heartedness. I know it will also come with its hardships and trials. I do pray that it is a year of redemption, reward and refreshment. I know that I desire simplicity, cleaning out of heart and home, changes in my daily routine and more time for what really matters, not what I think matters or what I think I should be doing for my image or how people perceive me. God is calling me to be focused on the most important things, still, and go even deeper in that calling.
Have a blessed 2014.
Thank you is not enough to express my gratitude for all the support and love over this past year. It has FLOWN by. Some days it feels like Noah died yesterday, other days it feels like a lifetime ago. Thank you all for the support and prayers. They are felt.
be blessed,
Shaina
