You Keep Coming After Me

 

You Keep Coming After Me - Key of C, 4/4 83BPM
Aaron Ivey, Brett Land, Marcus Dawes © 2020 Austin Stone Music (ASCAP). All rights reserved. CCLI - #7118191

VERSE 1:

When my heart is low
And I cry for help
You hear me and You’ll keep coming after me
When Your kindness comes  
With a gentle tone
You tell me that You’ll keep coming after me

CHORUS:

You find me in the depths
You take me to the heights
Just to tell me that Your love will never ever, ever change
You’re with me in the wind
You’re faithful in the fire
You keep coming after me

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             You keep coming after me       

VERSE 2:

My sin cannot outrun
The fury of Your grace
You chase me and You’ll keep coming after me
‘cause I belong to You
And this will never change
I am Yours and You’ll keep coming after me

BRIDGE:

So keep on moving
Keep on speaking
Keep on turning my eyes
To see what You see
I am listening
I am learning
            That I am Yours            

 

I've been sitting on this one for almost a week now. Nick and I were invited to participate in our friends's proposal at the Light House in Palo Duro Canyon. The days leading up to this day were some of the hardest days, for many reasons. I just kept saying "I'm living for Saturday". I usually try to live each day for what it is and not try to wish my days away, but that week was rough and I knew that on Saturday I would get to see two of my favorite people officially start a new season of their life, their love and God's faithfulness. Saturday came and we got up super early and made our way down to the canyon. We started the trail a little after 7:00am and it was gloriously cool, the company was wonderful and we made great

time. I enjoyed visiting with each of the people in our group at different times on the trail, we stopped here and there for a break and would laugh, talk and then keep going. I was truly just enjoying every single moment of the morning. I could pause time at moments and step back and look at the blessing that the day was, the people are to me and just how privileged I was to be a part of it all. 

You may be saying by now(maybe it's just me saying),

 "Shaina, it was just a hike in PDC, you've been there tons of times, there's nothing special about a hike...I mean, an engagement is exciting, but you seem dramatic, you're romanticizing simple friendship"  

Well, let me explain. I have ALWAYS been self conscious. I've always been in my head when it comes to groups, friendships, events, etc. I tend to me more obsessed with how I might come across or how annoying I probably am, how fat I look, how they are probably just feeling sorry for me so that is why they invited me...my head never quits. I realized about an hour into our hike that I wasn't worried about my extra pudgy stomach, no makeup, thick calves or the fact that I was legitimately soaking wet from sweat. I didn't think twice about the times when I was in the back of the line or when I was taking my time up some steep rocks. I was completely and totally myself and realized that I was totally and completely accepted and loved. I felt this from my friends, whether they meant to exude those vibes or not. I felt an acceptance of myself that I

haven't experienced in many years, if ever. 

Recently I have been doing some actual hard work on my health and as hard as it is, I am finally seeing some payoff. I think that the self awareness I've experienced over the course of the last year and this recent health journey as opened my eyes. I have lost some weight, so I know I felt better on that hike than I would have if I hadn't. I have been walking regularly (until this week), but I am conditioning myself to longer walks and more consistent activity. What I'm getting at is the fact that the people on the hike with me were aware of this. I finally let some people in to a journey that in the past, I would have kept a secret, then failed at it and then started the cycle all over again. These days I have been open about my struggles and there is a freedom that comes with just owning your true life and also doing something about it. 

So what does the song at the beginning of this post have to do with any of this? Well, a couple of things. First of all, I have always struggled with the idea of "God coming after me"... I've always thought that I was to come after Him. and WHY, why would he come after me? I understand salvation and that he loves me beyond my understanding. He died for me. He loves me. I "know" this. I have just always had this underlying need/thought/bad habit of trying to earn it. I still struggle with earning friends' love, earning people's approval.

 I am so afraid of losing people that sometimes I forget to enjoy them when I have them.

We continued on the trail and got to some steep places to climb up in order to get to the Light House. I never once got embarrassed that I needed to take my time, that I was so dang sweaty, red in the face, etc. I was so proud to do the hard things and get to the top. It felt really amazing to reach the top and just bask in the view, the realization that I had done it. For some this may seem so trivial and even silly, but for me it was a big deal. Nick and I took a seat and hydrated, took some pics and waited for "the moment" to happen for our friends. We all took pictures and then they were last to take one. He got on one knee and she was completely surprised and so excited and that moment will forever be in my mind and my heart. Writing about it now, I feel the anxiety creeping in that one day I will look back and wish I still had these people in my life. I suppose losing a lot of people throughout the years will do it to you, but I know that no matter what happens in our lives, this season we have now is too special and important to let it pass me by. Elsa sings, in Frozen 2, "I can't freeze this moment, but I can still go out and seize this day!"

But, why the fear, Shaina? Why is it so hard to believe that God loves me so much that he would gift me relationship? Why do I continually doubt that when He gives me good things that they will all go away because "that's what always happens"? How is it that after all the years of believing Him, loving Him and following Him am I still doubting that He wants to give me good gifts? Just as we experienced this

moment of our friend proposing to his girlfriend because of his pursuing her and desiring to marry her, it finally occurred to me that Christ actually pursues us. He creates beauty around us to woo us. He gives us people in our life that love and encourage us to remind us that He does, indeed, loves us even more. He shows us his faithfulness as we pursue him, an honest life, a real and genuine life full of both success and failures, trials and dark seasons. 

His love does not change, even when everyone and everything else around us does.

 

So, there I was, at the summit of our hike, looking around me at the vast beauty of God's creation, watching an incredible moment for two of the dearest people in my life, celebrating with friends, praying over a new season and realizing that nothing about that moment was because of anything I actually did to deserve or earn it. It was completely a gift.

I suppose I earned the ability to not die on that hike because of the healthy choices and 

conditioning before hand, but other than that... I left the canyon (beyond hot and exhausted)more free and full of joy than I have experienced in many months, perhaps years. 

You find me in the depths
You take me to the heights
Just to tell me that Your love will never ever, ever change
You’re with me in the wind
You’re faithful in the fire
You keep coming after me

The picture of his love and his pursuing of me was so evident the entire morning. I was so thankful for every moment of that experience. Watching God do what only He can do, in myself, in our friends' life, in our entire group's life, in his creation...well, it was a shifting moment in my life.

Perhaps I am a little over dramatic. Perhaps I am really a romantic at heart and I just interpret everything at a whole other level than others. Or maybe, I don't have to apologize or over explain why my heart and mind are wired to experience what I did in the way I did! I am forever thankful for that beautiful and lovely day. I am forever thankful for friends who are like family. I am forever thankful and changed by the fact that God truly loves and even likes me. Amazing. 

Ephesians 3:17-21

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love,  may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,  and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,  to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

 

Romans 8:35-39

³⁵ Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? ³⁶ As it is written:

“For your sake we face death all day long;
    we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”^[j]

³⁷ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. ³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[k] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

 

Do you actually know or even believe that God loves you? That He likes you? That he will never leave you and he will never change? 

We can go through multiple seasons in our life that make us question people, relationships, friendships, our own worth and value and that can leave us hurt, resentful, bitter even. Know today, that God loves you completely. He loves you in His sovereign and perfect way. He will never leave or forsake you. Remember that. Live in that. Love others through that. Find hope, security and the ability to rest in Him as you walk through each season. I'm probably not done worrying about if people like me or if they will leave me for some reason, because I'm just being honest and I know I will struggle with this, but for today, the only day I'm promised at this point, I'm relishing in the beauty that is God's provision and his good gifts in my life.  

I'm also super excited that there is a wedding on the horizon!!
Here's some pictures just because it was such an amazing day and I have documented MANY other things in this blog and I cannot leave this event out! 

Many congrats and blessings over Bryant and Kayla's engagement and life together. We're excited for y'all and cannot wait to see what God does in and through your marriage. 

SW

 

 

 

The Lord Is Near...

I have been in a deep study of Philippians. I have enjoyed it and I have been so thankful for the structure of the If: Rooted In The Word study. It has basically been a study on how to study the Word of God. So simple and helpful. Lots of me having to get past my frustration and push through, reach out, search for answers and truly learn. I have a feeling I am not the only one who struggles with studying the Word of God, especially when it gets hard or confusing.

There are so many things about Philippians that I love, but there is one verse that stands out to me. The simplicity of it, the placement of it. There are so many things that I dug into because of it and I am so thankful for it. One sentence, "The Lord in near." It is the end of verse 5. The entire verse is, "Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near."

Do you ever flip out? Like flip the heck out? It could be over something big or something small and petty. The other day, we got Sonic drinks after school. Ava made an attempt to take the receipt off of her cup. You know, that stupid long receipt with the sticker on it attached to your cup. BLAST. I hate that whole concept. I don't need the receipt for 3 drinks. Anyway, she tried to take it off and took the whole lid off her drink with it. She didn't spill the whole thing, but is sloshed around and got her pants, the console, etc all sticky. I wasn't mad at her, or really mad at all, but I just flipped out with annoyance.Please tell me somebody gets it. I didn't really need to flip out. I know that, you know that. It just happens. Sometimes it looks a lot heavier than a sonic lid debacle. Sometimes it is us flipping out at our children.
Sometimes it is us being irrational at our spouse. On occasion we can lash out at the pastor or a small group leader because we don't agree with someone and have been hurt. There are times when we freak out and flip a lid because of an inconvenience, a valid emergency, a sudden turn of events.

Philippians 4:5 is saying this, "Let your calmness be obvious to those around you, The Lord is at the ready" Ok, that is my version.

⁵ Let your reasonableness^[a] be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; ESV

⁵ Let your graciousness^[a] be known to everyone. The Lord is near. CSB

⁵ Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand. KJV

reasonableness, graciousness, moderation...this should be our aim. This should be our response. Why? Because the Lord is at hand, the Lord is near, the Lord is at the ready. We don't have to have it all together, because the one who does is NOT ABSENT. He is actually with you. He is ready and mighty to save. We tend to quote the next verse quite a bit, "do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends understanding will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus."

I think sometimes we struggle with this verse because we are still in freak out mode. We seem to gravitate towards freak out mode because we crave to be in control. We long to have it "all together" and when we don't, well, we flip. When our focus is on the fact that "the Lord is near", we can respond to anything life throws at us with gentleness, moderation. This is our witness. Our testimony to God's character and goodness. 

Now, this doesn't mean that situations, seasons, events of our life do not initiate valid anger, responses, confusion, and sorrow. Please do not hear me saying that you should always be ok, never having emotion, reactions, responses. No, that is not it at all. God is large enough and God enough to handle our true feelings and emotions about things, but we can move from our initial emotions to a place of peace and readiness when we remember God's place and our own. 

What I desire to take away from this particular part of Philippians is that I don't have to flip out, freak out or outburst at every little thing, every annoyance, every time my child does something frustrating or wrong. I can actually respond with gentleness because I don't have to prove anything. I don't have to serve justice in the moment. I don't have to even explain or make sense of what has happened. I can breathe deep and know that whatever is at hand can be handled and taken care of in the presence of God, through the Holy Spirit. 

So, maybe we can all take a deep breath, scroll past that opinion someone declared on social media, click past that thing you disagree with, not be so dramatic when your kid spills the milk, even being calm when your spouse does something obnoxious the next time. Frustrating things happen, often, but we can learn and be trained, by the Word of God, to respond with gentleness.

 Gentleness is a fruit of the spirit, not a fruit of our effort.  We must allow the Holy Spirit to dwell within us and do his work, daily, so we can live with these fruits. It is possible! The Lord is near!

Much love! 

SW