A Mason Jar of Kindness

One of the ladies in our church brought me a little bouquet of flowers in a mason jar today.

It made my day.


My oldest daughter and I had to have a hard conversation today. At one point she asked, "why can't people just say I'm sorry"...


.... "I don't know, dear."....


Thinking to myself, "why can't you just love them anyway, Shaina, even when you don't hear the sorry."

Why is it, that we cannot be kind? Why is it, that we cannot extend grace? Why is it, that we cannot give the benefit of the doubt? Why is it, we are the harshest critics of others? (being the harshest critic of yourself is a whole other blog post in itself) Why do we hate people so much because of miscommunications? I have been the one to assume, be too quick to judge and then cause a relationship to dissolve because of my actions. I've been that person. I have also been the person who has received messages and texts unloading all of the wrong I've done (correct or not isn't the point, to them it was true).

I've been on both sides. Neither are fun. I will say it is easier to be the one assuming, not forgiving, welling up frustration, judgement and hatred in my heart. It was easier to be that, than to start praying for the other person. It was easier and more satisfying to hold on to the past, the hurt and the anger than to start letting go, extending grace and moving on. Forgiveness is hard.

Grace. Is. Hard.

but, grace is not a suggestion. When it comes to our hurts, our friendships turned sour, our family feuds and church hurts...

We have got to get a grip on what the Word says.

and oh ya... we have to obey it. *ouch

Ephesians 4:29-32 "Do not let any unwholesome talk out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it my benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate, forgiving one another, just as Christ God forgave you."

Well.
As Ava and I continued to talk, I had to admit the sin I had lived in for a long time..the unforgiveness and bitterness I have had towards a few people who have hurt me deeply. Letting go of hurt is hard. I genuinely struggle with it, often, but God is teaching me, in his grace, that I can overcome the enemy's desire for me to live in bondage to unforgiveness.

Being hurt, well, it hurts. I have been hurt and I have been the one to hurt. I hate to say that I have been the one to hurt. I know that in most instances I had no idea I was hurting someone. There is one instance that sticks out to me and honestly, I was so hurt by them and confused that I let myself say things I shouldn't have and then that made the situation worse and almost irreparable.

Words. They hurt. They cut. They stab. Words are harsh weapons of mass destruction. They are also sweet as honey and a balm to our weary spirits. Words bring life and they destroy life. Words build up relationships and tear them down.

Words are so important. Actions are too.
It is really sad when a  young lady, just begging to be loved and to fit in somewhere cannot find that love inside the church. Girls are mean. When we will learn, women, that we are to love. We are to build up. We are to encourage. We are to breathe life into each other. For God's sake, let's raise our girls to be that. Be kind. Be caring. Be compassionate. Be full of grace.

It has to start with us. It has to begin with us forgiving, even if we don't want to. It begins with us not judging the other for sending our kids to public school or not letting our student have a cellphone at 12... organic or Great Value... I'm just so weary of women choosing the life they lead and then complaining about it all over the interwebs. CHOOSE to homeschool or work full time or have your kid in 3 different activities or CHOOSE NOT TO... but when it comes down to it, quit whining.

Quit thinking everyone is out to show you up. Quit thinking that no one cares. Let us all run our OWN race and encourage those around us in theirs.
While we're at it... let's quit blaming the church for all our hurt and bitterness ok? Let's go ahead and own it. I own my bitterness and hurt from situations that happened years ago and now I need to lay them down, sometimes again and again. Yes, people hurt us. Yes, life is hard. Yes, homeschooling is grueling and yes, you're doing a good job. Yes, working full time has it's struggle and yes it is also not going to ruin your kids.

I just want my daughters to be kind, to love people, to show forgiveness, and unless I get in tune with it myself, I am a hypocrite and a liar. I cannot teach my children what I do not live. I refuse to continue to live my life in a pit of self hate, of judgement or of bitterness from past hurts. I can't truly live there. I cannot thrive there.

I want to learn to say I'm sorry. So, I will try. I will honestly try to say I'm sorry. Even if it doesn't make sense to. I will learn to say I'm sorry even when no one else will. I will learn to lay down my bitterness and hurt from past experiences and look ahead, eyes on Jesus, and step out on the waters of grace.

Ladies, step up. Lean in to the Father. Press into His presence. Put the pinterest app away and just be who you are. Quit comparing your life to everyone else's.

1 Corinthians 10:5b "and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

Reign it in ladies. Reign in the hurt, the hang ups, the bitterness, the constant comparing. Quit it.You don't have to live in that self made prison. Be You. Be the mother God has called you to be, not the mother you think the room mom thinks you should be or the trendy lifestyle blogger thinks you should be... Be the wife God has called you to be, not the one Cosmopolitan says you should be. Quit trying so hard to be someone your not. Choose the life that God is calling your family to and then be thankful for it and relish in it, even in the struggle. Take captive the thoughts of comparing, envy, jealousy, strife... take them captive in the name of Jesus. The enemy laughs at us women as we whine and complain and go on and on and on and forever freakin long about our weight, our hair, our tiredness and our "not enoughness"

Maybe we could dazzle the world with our undying and unrelenting faith instead of dulling the world with typical unending complaining.

Y'all, we all have bad days, tough situations and hard loads. We all have unending laundry piles, meals to cook, kids to wash and mouths to feed. I say that...

-there are some women who are praying for what you are whining about today.
  Do you get that?

- the messy, dirty, curiously talkative boys you are raising... someone wishes they could raise one.
-the mess upon mess of Barbies that are never picked up... someone prays daily for the opportunity to play Barbies with their girl
- that husband you're whining about... there are women who have prayed every day of their life for the man God wants for them and then they hop on facebook and see your undending rant about how annoying the shoes left in the floor are... (ladies, you know if you are in a dangerous situation, get out, I'm not telling you carry that burden, ever)

What I am saying is, BE CAREFUL what you whine about, complain about, VENT about... share...
Let us embrace the thorns in our lives as reminders of His sufficiency, his goodness and his grace. Let us make smart judgement calls online and for heaven's sake, IN REAL LIFE. May we speak with love, honesty, and grace.

I am working on this. I'm asking God to do this in the generations of women occupying this planet. May we be GRATEFUL. May we be GRACIOUS. May we be LOVING. May we FORGIVE. May we ENCOURAGE. May we LOVE. May we FIGHT FOR one another.
No march can do what active Jesus loving, praying women of God can do when they simply live the life they are called to live.
Let God do the hard work in the quiet places, the private places, the deep places.... LET HIM DO THE WORK IN US. and let us see our children  rise to call us blessed. Let us laugh at what's to come, without fear of the future. Let us then be confident in who God has made us to be, not wearily waste away trying so hard to be someone we're not.

This I pray Lord, that we would press into you, be humble and love each other where we are at. May we meet each other with the love of Christ. May we raise our girls to be the same. Help us in this Lord. Do what only you can do in your daughters, Lord. Bring freedom, hope, healing and revival.
In Jesus Name.

Give a mason jar of kindness today...whatever that looks like...
Love you all,
Shaina

#Discipline18

If you have kept up with me since the days of this blog being for updates on our son, Noah, then you've walked quite a few years with me. These last 5 years have been the most challenging and growing times of my life, obviously, I suppose. I have walked some mighty tough roads and have fallen quite a number of times trying to figure out what life looks like in the aftermath.
We are far from aftermath season though... we have arrived at... normal life. With Ana here and already 2, Noah will be gone 5 years next month and Ava is on the tail end of 6, life isn't just about surviving anymore. I'm not struggling like I was. I'm not self medicating with things like busy-ness, food(as much, that will probably always be a struggle), or endless tries at hobbies and projects. I'm settling into a season of life that is routine, even normal. I am enjoying the mundane things more than I ever have. There is a contentment that comes with release of a long season. The FOMO...fear of missing out...I think that seems to dissipate over time. It has for me. I used to stay so busy because any time I would have open space or clear time I would fall into a pit of grief and heartache. I can now have "free" time that does not send me into a time of deep remembering or pain.
 I've struggled with certain disciplines in my life and they will always come back around to me. The beginning of the year tends to be a time when we all decide to re-set and refocus on these things. Our pastor said this weekend that we tend to try to re-solve, like an equation or math problem, we are trying to solve things, for the hundredth time, to no avail. At some point something has to change. The issue I've had in the past is thinking I have to change/discipline myself in everything at once. In years past I would have a list of things I needed/wanted to change and then try to tackle it all at once, burning out in a couple weeks and "resolving" to my old habits/ways. Over the course of time I've realized that I can change a habit or a discipline one at a time over the course of time. I can't decide to get up early, work out 3x a week, drink more water, take vitamins, read more, facebook less, and be a more patient mom all in one week. It just won't happen. I am learning that the daily decisions we make and the daily practices we commit to are what make our lives over time. We sold our house and downsized this last year, but that one big decision doesn't' necessarily make or break our big goals, our daily spending will. If we commit to save and spend less, that is what ultimately will make the big difference. I can do a 30 day wellness routine, Whole 30, but if I just let it all go after that, then that one big choice didn't really mean anything. It is when I daily make the decisions about health and wellness, for long periods of time that change comes. So much easier said than done.

Discipline  is a word that I have struggled with and a virtue I have prayed for for so many years, but I think God is finally getting my attention to the fact that, discipline only comes when I choose it, day in and day out, mundane or not, bored or not, frustrated or not, results or not...keep at it. We all know that none of us will make this happen perfectly. In fact, I am positive that that is one of the reasons we all give up so easily is because we mess up and think "what's the point".. when in reality, we should have said, "can't let this stop me, must keep going".... when it says in
Romans 12:2
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.
It means that Christ transforms our minds...our entire way of thinking must pattern  his, not the world's. We then know and walk in God's will for us. That will isn't always pleasant or easy, but it is the best. It is His will, not our own. 

The idea of self care has been a big hit in recent days. I know that as a mom, as a wife, as just a person...self care is important and sometimes we put ourselves on the back burner. What Christ has been teaching me about self care though, lately, is that is isn't so much about facials, pedicures and alone time as much as it is about hard disciplines that are best for me anyway. I don't particularly like getting up early, but it is a practice in self care that is important to me now because it gives me time in the Word and prayer before the house gets up. I don't like eating healthy and I fail at it in many ways, but it is a practice in self care that is making me better. I still enjoy a time away, a glass of wine or a hot bath without interruption but true self care is doing things, even the hard things, that sharpen us, refine us and make us more like Jesus, not the world. We just don't like hard things. We want things to be easy and simple. Yet, when you look back, every single hard season was truly worth it. It is hard to say that or admit that that break up was ok in the long run or that job change was the best thing...it's hard to see my son's death as something that could ever be ok or even used for good. 

BUT GOD, He does a redeeming work. When we are surrendered to him and his ways, He makes the way when we don't see it. He uses the dark times for his light. He brings beauty out of ashes. He brings life from death. 

So, my word is discipline for 2018. I'm certain that he will continue to teach me much more about this as the year unfolds. What I do know, is that it is a choice. I encourage you to let God do the hard work in you! Let him transform your mind, through his word and through his spirit! 

Love you all. 
S