Do you get what I'm saying? But, for real.
Puke, poop, missing school, calling into work, etc get me in a funk. I can't seem to get a grip on the whiny attitude and entitled mood I get when my kids are sick, husband is sick, life goes in the toilet and we are all just sick and annoyed. Am I alone in this? We all get moody, the kids get stir crazy, work piles up, chores pile up, we miss out on events and things (not the worst thing in the world)... all this to say... I tend to become quite the hot mess and most annoying person to be around. Just ask Nick. ha ha. For some reason I tend to just dramatically overthink, overreact, over dramatize, and become so negative. No one enjoys being sick or having sick kids, but I guarantee that my negative attitude and the constant whining I tend to share with my family, certainly does not help. The more I internalize my situation, dwell on it and get frustrated with it, the worse it tends to get. I am a creature of habit and I like our routine and our day to day life. When something like a stomach bug gets in the way of that I, most of the time, see it as negative, terrible and a pain to deal with. Rarely do I look at it as a blessing to get a day at home with my girls, thankful we aren't chronically ill (because we would have with our sweet Noah), it could always be worse, we have all the things we need to get through the illness and move on.
But, isn't this the case? When things are well, life is going on nicely and routines are in place we are "thankful" "happy" "grateful" "focused"... we don't struggle as much, am I right? I have walked through some dark times and I remember thinking during those times how much I wished I had the "bad times" I had when I didn't know any different. Ignorance is bliss? When I didn't know how bad it could get, I thought I had it bad. So why, now that I know how bad it can be, do I still get in that kind of funk and bad place at the hint of just a regular stomach bug episode? Why does that rock my world and put me in a terrible place? Now I know, everyone gets the right to be upset about it. No one wants to be sick, have sick kids, clean up said sick kids, etc. We just dont. It's not pleasant. It's not fair. But, here is what I'm trying to get at...
Our true character comes out in our worst times. yes? When the kids are sick, the husband is sick, the laundry is piling, you're washing bedding at 1:00am, missing work, having to catch up on it all later, etc....the attitude we carry in those times can really make a difference. It certainly isn't my child's fault that they woke up puking in their bed, is it? What good does it it do to get upset, at anyone really, for that? The honest truth is, it's hard not to let it out at someone, anyone in range really.
Why is it that we fly off the handle so quickly? (please tell me you do too) I suppose I could be the only one admitting to this and I'm ok with it. I really do think that we all struggle with complaining and whining more than we should. Some of us use the saying "first world problem" when referring to our troubles because we want people to know that we understand there are people with much heavier issues going on around the world. But, y'all, they really do.
I was so caught up in the inconvenience of it all this weekend that I forgot I have been the one who lived in the children's hospital for 5 months. I let that time slip away from me. I was so frustrated with the out of routine craziness that I didn't stop and remember that I have seen harder days. What I would have given then, to just have kids with the stomach bug, instead of a child I never saw and one who was holding on for dear life thanks to drugs and machines. Ya know, our lives are so precious and fragile. We often complain about the silliest things. Our feelings are valid at the time. Like I said, no one likes sick kids or to be sick themselves... but I remember wishing my kid would live. I knew my girls would survive this bug. It was just a typical 24 hour deal, but I lived every day for 5 months with the reality that my son may not.
5 years and I've already let slip some of those precious life lessons. When we seem to be so frustrated and we act entitled and whiny, let us remember our own past experiences and others' current experiences who would argue that we don't have it as bad as we think we do.
I can currently think of plenty of people who would wish a 24 hour stomach bug over what they are walking through today.
Military families who are spending every day, plus the holidays without their loved one.
Those families who have lost a loved one serving in the military.
Families with children fighting cancer, heart defects, multiple birth defects...
Families who are struggling to find ways to pay bills and provide
Children who are orphans every day, plus the hard times of the holidays.
Children who are living in abusive homes
Women who are in abusive situations and feel trapped
Men who are constantly told they aren't enough, they aren't capable, they will never amount
My take away from this last weekend is this...
Be careful how we express frustration in our home/with our families. (especially spouses) May we be mindful of how we declare our issues on facebook and insta for all to read. There are so many things we complain about that are so absolutely frivolous. It seems insulting to those who are in the trenches of childhood cancer, newborn heart surgeries, families with no medical answers and they are holding on to hope that they'll get a few more days with their little... there are people who are desperately hurting as we complain about small small inconveniences.I didn't even know Ava got sick again one night because Nick dealt with all of it. He wanted me to sleep because I was trying to get through the bug and he knew I needed the rest. He tended to Ava, washed bedding, worked on cleaning the mattress, got Ava tucked in on the couch and he slept in the chair while he waited so switch the loads. The girls loved on each other as they were both sick at the same time and had to stay home from school, they found time to play together when they started perking up, they snuggled and took turns watching shows they like. They consoled each other and you know when the kids are sick, that is when they want to snuggle the most.
Everyone is well, our home is clean, our laundry done and life moves on. We are not planning another funeral, sitting bedside with a post-op baby all puffy and swollen. We are not traveling back and forth from DFW to Amarillo. We are not wondering if a new treatment plan will work. We are not homeless. We are not without.
We are a blessed family. We were blessed even when we were in those moments, but we are so incredibly thankful to be in the place we are right now in life.
I needed the attitude check today. So I'm sharing it with you because I imagine you may need it too. We all have so much to be thankful for.
If you are in the middle of a season that seems similar to one I've mentioned... hold on tight to Jesus. He sees you, he hears you, he is with you. He does not abandon you and you are not being punished by walking through a season that is so difficult. If anything, you are being refined and defined by the Father himself. He is still the author, still in control and he is working out all things for your good. He is your hope. He is your safe place. Don't give up or give in. Just give him all the things.
Let's look at "reality" and use it to put us in a thankful place. May it humble us and remind us that we are truly blessed.When we "find the heart" we'll see that, even in the hard times we are so loved and there are so many things to cherish and be thankful for!
Love you all!
Shaina
