Big sister & little brother news



So, I've used this blog lately to let everyone know about Noah and all that is going on with the pregnancy and journey we're on with him, but I need to update you on the other happenings in our little life. Remember, we have a daughter too! haha!! Ava has been busy getting bigger and more grown up every day it seems. By the time she turned 1 she didn't have a pacifier anymore and she was off the bottle. Oh, and she was walking!!! Now it seems as though she is running more! haha. She keeps Noah and I busy chasing her around all day. :) Ava is tall, smart, silly, sweet and learning so much! She has a good array of words and likes to dance to music. Right now, she is learning to go to sleep in her bed. She's uesd to being rocked to sleep and then laid down, so now she is learning how to get to sleep without the rocking. bittersweet for sure. :) She brings joy and brightness to our life! I will miss her so much when we're apart for the time after Noah is born. :( She is a little ray of sunshine and I can't imagine life without her!!!
Please, when you pray for us, pray for Ava and all the transition she will have to go through in the next few months, as we will be seperated at times, she'll be in a different routine for a time, and then learning to adapt to a new baby as well. :)

We had a dr appt here in Amarillo yesterday and everything looks wonderful!!!! (minus what we already know about his heart) He is growing perfectly, he's the right size, he even smiled and was silly for us in the sonogram. :) sweet boy. I'm so thankful that everything else thus far, is great! My

blood pressure was perfect and I have no swelling. Thank you Lord for wonderful news and progress! I am so so thankful for every new day that things are still just fine. :) Here is Noah and his grin. LOVE him. Thank you for your prayers for him and all the support. We feel the prayers, even on the hard days of going through all the techinical paperwork stuff, etc. We're thankful for you all and love you all so much.

I'm looking forward to this weekend! Family, fellowship, free movie night at church, downtime with my nicholas and ava....can't get better. :) Blessings to all!

shaina

Mustard Seeds

So, today has been rough. Ava did not sleep much at all, therefore I did not sleep much at all. I have trouble sleeping now, at 28 weeks anyway, but dealing with a hot tempered 13 month old at 1am, 3am, and 5am for an hour at a time is more than uncomfortable. It is draining. I got myself out of bed this mornng and tried so hard to "start the day new", not be upset or too draggy, but in my efforts alone, I was cranky, short tempered, impatient, and frustrated. I know that as I began to seek the Lord through my frustration, God was faithful to send the right Word at the right times, as well as a quiet moment (before another storm of anti-sleep ava came about). It was a cleansing moment of tears and giving my anxieties to the Father. I have gotten to where I have a good "spill" that I can tell people that I don't exactly know but they know about our situation and want to ask and pray. I am thankful for the prayers, but I just don't let go of all my emotions in front of them. I have gotten good enough at it that I have fooled myself into thinking "I'm ok" a few times, when really I was as broken as ever. So, I think that is when God brings me to these days. I get back to that rock bottom place of "ok, Lord, I'm here again, what is it now?" He's gentle and every time I whine and question and cry out why, he just says, "because you're seeking me". I wonder why He chose us to walk this road. Sometimes I call it bearing this burden, but I correct myself quickly because He has been teaching and reminding me that this IS HIS PLAN. It is not a detour or a problem we are trying to fix. This whole road of having a baby we didn't plan on having so soon, him needing surgery immediately after birth, the road of recovery after that, the next surgery he will need and the recovery after that, the fact that all of this takes place 6 hours from home....etc. ALL of this is no surprise to Him. So, why do I keep questioning Him and this plan? Why do I keep coming back to this place of "why me". I don't think God minds. In fact, I think that he keeps reminding me of his plan and goodness, even in my weak moments. As I cling with all my might, to the tiniest mustard seed of faith in my hand, I just have to learn to take each of these bad days for what they are. A means to know Him more, love Him more and experience His character to its fullness. For when I am the one that is  humbled and not thinking I am doing it all perfectly, He has much more room to work in me and calm me.

I am thankful for family, for friends and for the body of Christ who support me by praying. They are felt more than they know. Somehow, all things are working for HIS good and HIS purpose and when God has me lead his people in worship to the song "He is Faithful", I have to live that I believe those words.

YOU ARE FAITHFUL

YOU ARE GRACIOUS

YOU ALONE ARE GOD

If I claim to believe that and lead God's people into proclaiming that to Him, than I have to live that, believe that in my core and hold fast to those words and not just pretend to be ok, but to truly live in the peace that comes with planting that mustard seed in my heart and letting it take root in it's deepest place.

UPDATE:

my dr appointments have been rescheduled to July 27th at 10:30am-for the echocardiogram and 1:00pm for the appt with my new dr. My sweet sister is accompaning me for this and I'm thankful.

I have a doctor appt here in Amarillo, Wednesday at Dr. Chandler's for a regular appt and a sonogram as well to check Noah's growth. Please be in prayer with us as we ask the Lord for amazing healing in his heart and praise the Lord regardless, because He is good and He is forming Noah how he pleases.

Thank you family, friends and church family.

we love you.

shaina



For I Know the Plans I Have For You

Today would have been our appt day in Ft. Worth, but I got a call on Tuesday afternoon around 3:00 from Cook's Childrens Hospital informing me that some things in the insurance trail hadn't been approved yet and they were cancelling the echo until they got it all figured out. Therefore, I talked to my dr and they cancelled that appt so I could make it all in one day in one trip. I was able to cancel the hotel in time to get refunded! Praise the Lord. :) So, after struggling Tuesday morning with leaving my baby and not being able to be with the family on the 4th of July, God allowed me to do just that. I was thankful for that change in plans. I didn't want to reschedule the whole trip, but I know that there is a reason that God wanted me home this week. I have decided to soak up time with my baby and REST. Jeremiah 29:11, one of the most overly used verses of all time, still speaks to me....I think we look at that verse with our "life plans" in context. That, God has planned our life out, which he does, but sometimes I think we need to remember that God has today planned out, first. He has today covered and that is enough. So, as I was relieved and frustrated all at the same time Tuesday, He knew my heart's desires, he also knows that whenever the next trip will be, will be better than if it were today. I was able to be with my family, enjoy Nick's family's annual cook-out and now get some time at home today to kick back and just chill out. I had done lots of chores and things thinking I was leaving, so I am able to really just rest, play with Ava, we'll go see my mimi later today, and then spend some time with out of town family that is  here this weekend, this evening.

So, I mention seeing my Mimi today....she is hanging in there, but needs prayers for peace and even mercy from the Lord during this time in her life. She has been moved back to Canyon Healthcare, under hospice care, but she is not as close to "the end" as we might have thought. She is under the title of "failure to thrive", so she can't really get better at this point, but she is not declining, even off of medication she has needed her whole life. We are confused by this and just have to trust that Jesus knows what he is doing with her. She doesn't remember having back surgery or why she cannot walk at this point  though and so she gets distraught at why she can't just get up and walk, get up and go eat somewhere, go to the fireworks last night, etc etc. It was very difficult on my mom yesterday trying to explain to her, but not get to detailed or crush her spirit, etc. It is all wearing my pops and mom out and they are holding on to just taking it a moment at a time.

On a lighter note all together, Ava is as silly as ever and is starting to make even more words and noises lately. She says, "buh boh" and has the silliest goofy laugh (sounds like her dad). She walks like crazy, loves milk, enjoys having her cousin jada over everyday this summer, has lots of friends at church and loves her nursery teachers. She could eat bananas all day long and loves nutrigrain bars of all flavors. She dances to all music it seems! :) She is getting good about going down for her naps at regular times. She sleeps through the night and loves baths. Ava is just one big ball of activity and joy and we love her so much. She makes me strive to be better, stay focused, trust the Lord and want to make her home a place where she can thrive and learn and grow. Nick goes beyond the call of duty as a daddy and loves Ava beyond words. I'm blessed to have a hubby who is an inredible daddy. :)

so, for now we wait to hear back from ft worth and we'll go from there. When I have an update I will let our prayer warriors know. :) Noah isn't as active today, so maybe he is resting too, but I sure do love when he kicks me all day.... maybe he'll wake up and let me know he's still a goober. :)

blessings and thanks,
shaina

Details

My Mimi has been going through quite the medical adventure over the last few years and has come to a point in the road where the Lord has called her to slow down and wait for Him to pick her up and take her home. It has been quite a crazy few years and there have been some major ups and downs. I have seen my Mimi go from a thriving, busy, up and going woman to a very confused and non-mobile woman. We say we trust the Lord and he has our life in His hands, yet why does He allow such a Godly woman to suffer in ways that she didn't want to? I think it is the same with Mimi as it is with Noah. This time in her life is not a mistake, it isn't easy, but it isn't for nothing. Noah has a heart condition that isn't going to be easy to deal with, but it isn't for nothing and it isn't meant for his harm. I don't think Mimi is going through this last part of her journey for herself, I think if anything, she is going through this last part of her journey, for her Jesus. She has always had a love for Jesus that shines through all other aspects of her life. I know that just yesterday my Mom told me that a new nurse came into her hospice room and she asked her if she was a Christian. :) She asks everyone. I'm thankful for that example and to see that genuine concern for everyone's eternal life. I need to learn from her and catch hold of her passion. She is showing everyone around her that even in her last part of her life, she is concerned with other's. Mimi isn't gone yet and I am not writing a tribute to her for that reason at this point, she is just on my mind and as we talked today in her room, I couldn't help but think of all the things she has taught me and shared with me over my 27 years. I just wanted to share some of the things that stick out in my mind and heart.

My mimi taught me how to cook and more than that, enjoy cooking. She showed me how to love people, especially my family, through cooking and that it can minister to people. Including myself.

Mickey Mouse pancakes. mmmm :)

Grapefruit- with sugar on it. She also showed me how to cut out the little segments. :) she had a special knife for it, in fact.

Fresh bread- every meal had fresh bread. I need to take the time to enjoy that like she did.

A day planner- mimi scheduled her plant watering, meetings, bible study time, baking, meal prep, etc. :) I feel that so many of my planning traits and need for details come from mimi.

The need to share/teach the Word. I have not found my place in this yet, but I know that I have taught before and would love to again. She taught many many many years of sunday school and bible studies and poured into her studies each week.

The little things. Mimi always noticed and enjoyed little things. details.
For instance, Christmas Eve dinner....the snack a thon we all enjoy...wasn't just a table full of snack foods. It was planned out vigorously and she enjoyed picking and choosing all the dishes, dips, meats and cheeses, etc. cheesecake and cherries for travis, shrimp for my mom, cheese ball for dawn, chicken tenders for us girls, etc etc. ketchup and more ketchup for the boys :)

I guess to sum it all up, I ask Jesus to hold my mimi and love on her as she is in this part of her life journey. She has mastered so much in her life from being an amazing wife, mother, grandmother, friend, business woman, community servant, volunteer, etc etc. She has come to the end of this road and I pray that she takes her Jesus' hand and is escorted into his Kingdom and into her special place he has prepared, with excitment, joy and awe! She loves Jesus with all she is and I know that being side by side with him will be her dream come true. Love you Mimi. :) I will cherish all your kitchen items, recipe boxes, silly memories and serious life lessons, always.

Please pray for my Pawpaw as he is at this ending place with her. Please pray for my Mother and for my Aunt as they are also at this place. I know this is a bittersweet time for all.

Last, I want Noah to know that he was loved and prayed for by his Great Mimi and when he eats meatloaf, a home made cinnamon roll or fresh baked bread, part of his Mimi is in each dish, because she shared herself with his  mommy.. :)

blessings,
shaina

Glory Revealed

I can never think of titles it seems, until after I have sat and written. Yesterday was rough. I had no extra energy...in fact I really didn't have the energy for regular day to day activities. I was hot. I mean, I understand being hot in the summer, but this 100+ degree day, running around town, 26 weeks pregnant and carrying and chasing around a 1 yr old about did me in. At one point I just wanted to bury my head in my hands, cry a lot and give up....but, that is not possible at this point. I don't get to give up and have a pitty party because I have responsibilities to maintain for our home, my husband, for Ava and ultimately right now for Noah and I together. I mean, I try to give myself the  means to rest and not over-do it during the day, but emotionally I cannot muddle in my weariness or my lack of energy. I have to grab hold of Jesus, gain strength and power from Him and keep going.

So, today I take a deep breath, prepare for 100+ degree weather, work on household chores and things, organize my calendar as I prepare for the next ft worth trip, put up clothes, wash clothes, wash dishes, play with Ava, pay bills, pick up junk that somehow just appears everywhere...haha and I
"just keep swimming" as Dori from Finding Nemo puts it.  oh and then go to work from 7-11 tonight.

Being a mom is an automatic accountability partner in so many ways and I'm thankful for that. I have become more disciplined than I ever thought i could be, I have been able to lay down my wants and needs for Ava's and now Noah's more so than I thought possible, I have also grown space in my heart I didn't know was there, for the love and care I have for them. I know all you mommies out there understand. I feel that the last year has been the hardest and yet most rewarding year of my life and I look ahead and just can't imagine how I could have a harder year ahead, but I know the Lord is preparing the way.

Isaiah 40:3-6
A voice of one calling:
“In the wilderness prepare
the way for the Lord^[a];
make straight in the desert
a highway for our God.^[b]
4 Every valley shall be raised up,
every mountain and hill made low;
the rough ground shall become level,
the rugged places a plain.
⁵ And the glory of the Lord will be revealed,
and all people will see it together.
For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.” 

Isaiah 40 has been a huge passage for me lately. I have been shown on multiple occasions in different settings, from the Lord, in Isaiah 40, words of encouragement, words of conviction and words of power. I know this road we are on is not easy and he didn't say it would be. The next year of surgeries, appts, trips to ft worth, keeping Ava and Noah both healthy and well, not being out and about as much, being the parent of a baby with a heart condition, etc will be HARD. It's going to be the hardest thing we've ever done at times and yet overall it will be the best thing that has ever happened to us. First of all because Noah is a miracle and God can still do miracles and will do miracles in his life. Second because our family unit is covered by so much prayer and love and support and I know we will make it and beyond making it, we will thrive. Third, God IS and all is well. Thanks DadT. Still don't like that statement sometimes because I want answers and explinations, but I still latch on to the wisdom of it because it makes it all make sense in His way. not mine.

Guess that is all today. I have to really get back to playing catch up on the house. :(

thanks for prayers. no new updates yet. Just an appt with my regular obgyn tomorrow here in amarillo.
much love,
shaina

My little rock star..

We bought Noah a little onesie set that says "daddy's rock star" on it and it has a drum set. :) we thought it was quite appropriate!

This morning the scripture in my daily scripture is this:

Lift up your eyes on high and see:
who created these?
He who brings out their host by number,
calling them all by name,
by the greatness of his might,
and because he is strong in power
not one is missing.

Isaiah 40:26

I could not help but think of Noah and how much the Lord loves him and his intracacies he is forming. He has called him by name and has not forsaken him as some might think, but he has given him a purpose before he even enters the world; to make the Lord known. Of course I think of Ava and Nick and even myself as I read that scripture as well, and I am very encouraged by it in general because he has his eye on us and if he has called each star by name, he has named us as well and knows where each of us are. Noah is one of our Father's stars and I'm thankful that he is allowing me to carry him and know him.

As far as an update on everything, we are still just planning our next trip to Ft Worth at this point. My appts are on July 5th. So the 4-6 will be our trip days. Prayers for covering are appreciated, in all aspects. I have such a sweet and supportive family and I am thankful for their prayers, finanical support and love. So, I just have to make some details set in stone, but for the most part I am not nervous about this trip, just ready to discuss with Dr. Howard about a delivery date and also having a detailed echocardiogram with Dr. Roten, a pediatric cardiologist at Cook's to look closely at Noah's heart.

Thanks again to all of you for your prayers and love. I'm getting excited to have a little boy. All the new clothes and new things not to mention this new little person we will add to our family are exciting. I am also realizing that this first year of Noah's life is going to be a wild ride. Multiple surgeries, trips to ft worth, dr appts, keeping him away from crowds and pretty much most public places in general, etc etc. Keeping Ava healthy in order to keep Noah healthy, etc. It is going to be a wild ride. thank you for your prayers and support through it all!!

Thank you thank you!

love you all,

Shaina

Noah's Kairos Time

Most all of you know that my family has been a part of Kairos prison ministry for many many years now. Nick and myself have been involved together for a few years and the last year Ava was able to be a part of it all as well! This ministry is not only a ministry that does amazing things for the Lord and through the Lord as we minister to the Brothers in White at the Neal Unit. This ministry has become as close if not closer than family. (At least some i know) :) Truly though, this body of believers both outside and inside the Neal unit Kairos community, have become a close knit portion of the body of Christ and we are thankful to be a part of it.
Nick and I love our families so deeply, our church is part of a solid foundation of support we have as we go through this journey with Noah and now more than ever, I feel and see our Kairos family being another huge part of our lives but in a different way this time.
For months before each Kairos weekend we meet a few times to prepare and plan. These meetings are a blessed time of fellowship, preparation, prayer and planning. Many times we bring burdens and family needs with us and are able to share with each other, so that we may bear them together.

Galatians 6:2 - "carry each others burdens and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."

This last weekend Nick went to reunion (monthly time with the guys at the Neal unit, for prayer, sharing, a lesson and fellowship). He came home telling me that they had a very sweet time of prayer for Noah during reunion and that there were many many brothers in white that would be lifting up our baby boy to the Father. Besides the fact that our kairos family here on the outside is praying, which is humbling and means so much, we have many brothers on the inside who are lifting up our baby. I know some of you out there are thinking, "seriously, prisoners? these rotten guys who deserve slop and nothing good are "praying" for your baby? ok, you enjoy that." I suppose you are right in some respects. They do deserve to be there. They committed wrong. They made conscious decisions to disobey and they are paying the price for those decisions. (and they know that full well) BUT, I do wrong. I've done wrong. I strive daily to try to not to do wrong and to follow Christ and there are men in the Neal unit who are doing the same thing. There are men who are solid men of God, who have met Christ while in that cell and are bringing other men to Christ and sharing the love of God in one of the darkest places. I am proud to call many of them my brothers and to have their prayers is a blessing. I just can't help but imagine Noah being lifted to the Father at all times during the day and night, since a lot of our brothers out there at the Neal unit have weird schedules. So when I might be asleep and not praying for Noah, someone else is. amazing)

The next leader for Kairos, which is in October (most likely the week or so after Noah is born), emailed the team and said that at the first meeting they had lifted Noah in prayer. The first part of the email, before any announcements or information, he mentioned our son. I couldn't help but let tears run down my face because I am not sure I have ever felt more humbled than to know that our family of brothers and sisters in Christ took time out of the meeting to lift up Noah and our family as we prepare. We have all prayed for each other, we pray for each other very much before each Kairos weekend and throughout the year as we all have needs come up, but for some reason, it's just different when it's you receiving the blessing. It is amazing that people would pray for us. we're so blessed.

I want to urge you as some of you wonder where you belong, what your purpose is, what could you possibly do for the Lord, if you even follow the Lord. There is a place for you in Kairos. No, you don't have to be an inmate in a TDCJ unit across texas. You can find a place in the body of Christ on a team of messed up, crooked and crazy folks who have found Jesus and rely on him daily for their provision, grace to get through, strength to endure and wisdom to make hard decisions. I challenge you to find your place in the body of Christ. Sometimes it is not easy. In fact, there will be times that the church hurts you, that you feel betrayed and think that some people don't belong in the body of Christ...and honestly none of us deserve it. BUT, when you extend grace, love beyond the mess and start to see what Christ sees, God does big things in your life. He gives you a family who you can count on, rain or shine, day or night, in happy times and in sad times, in life changing events and in the mundane. He allows you to be a part of something bigger than yourself, for more than your selfish wants. Whether you find a place to dig deeper in your church, whether you need to find a church, or whether you are just looking for a place to serve the Lord in a different capacity than you have before, be an active member of the body of Christ. Choose it. Live it. And before you know it, you will be blessed beyond measure and humbled beyond words to have support, love and prayers of people who know you would do the same for them. If some old, messed up, sometimes lonely men in a dark, cold place like prison, can find hope, family, love and empowerment in the body of Christ. I assure you; you can. You have to put forth a bit of effort, but God blesses that effort and will overwhelm you with blessings through it. You will have the opportunity to not only be blessed and be the recipient of many good things, you will be able to extend blessings, grace and love to many in the process.

Kairos in greek means "God's special time". There will be a point in Noah's life where he will understand all of this and the importance of the body of Christ and how they have already played a huge part in his life, even before he meets the world. I know He will learn to "listen, listen. love, love." as he has a whole army of believers, praying the way for him.

Shaina

Also, thank you to all of you for your continued prayers. Our  next dr appt in Fort Worth is July 5. I will be extending my travel a bit that week so I am not as fatigued as last time, with a lot of driving in one day. My ankles will appreciate it! :) Please pray for july 4-6 as I travel, staci and I travel, as we see the pediatric cardiologist at Cook Children's and as I see Dr. Howard, as he said we will be discussing a delivery day, etc. So far my blood pressure has been great, I have not gained much weight at all, (a miracle in itself hahaha) I have been resting well and staying active (how can I not with a 1yr old? haha) I am thankful for these things and ask for continued prayers as I get further along!
Thanks to all! much love!